GTOC Blog #38.....Live Life's Passion!!!

I absolutely love when people ask me How I am able to do what I do within GTOC!!  There are a multitude of projects consistently pushing forward at all times, probably enough to boggle the throttle on most person's to do lists. 

. . . However, I don't believe that is what they are referring to.

While I put my financial well being at risk, everyday for this effort....I don't believe that is entirely what they are referring to either.

What I believe they are referring to are the multitude of unsavory characters that would take advantage of my efforts for them, to the point of harming my personal, financial, emotional, physical well being.  Yeah, I know......I have made many V haters out there!

This is why I LOVE when people ask me the "how" questions.  I always respond with the same answer....because I believe there are many more good people out there than there are bad and if I have to sift through all the bad to find one good....then I will.  Don't get me wrong.  With each person I have to sift through, I hurt.  I go home.  I cry.  Why?  Not because of the damage they have done to me financially or emotionally, but because tomorrow I will wake up, cleansed, refreshed and still entirely and positively in love with life.  They however will be chipping away, negative, moving on to the next person to utilize & manipulate with their lies and all those dreams they have professed will slowly die.  And I cried, because I felt their dreams live, take flight and then sadly I felt their dreams die.

There is no miracle cure and I am so very much not a miracle worker.  It is a simple recipie of life.  "Do unto others".  You cannot force someone to succeed.  You can empower them, but the effort, like the goals, are theirs to achieve.

For every one V Hater out there, there are 10's of 100's of V supporters.  They don't have to like me, I am not the important factor here.  They do however support GTOC's efforts to empower women to a better quality of life.  I am so amazingly encouraged by their shows of support that I keep on sifting, sifting, until I find a true GTOC woman.  She is the reason, GTOC was created.  I have had the greatest of pleasures in meeting some of these women.  The fact that they give me the opportunity to assist them on their journey astounds me and simply reinforces my beliefs.  I believe we are all given special, personal gifts.  And I believe it is our duty to share these gifts with our neighbors.  I know my gift.  God gave me a heart so big that while I may not have a "shield" to protect it, it grows consistently stronger so that in spite of all the stresses and worries and hurts of GTOC, being a single Mom, my life....I am still able to appreciate the beauty in everything and everyone around me.  In fact I thrive in sharing this gift.  Another truth in life, "the more you give, the more you receive."  What is your gift?....are you sharing it?....if not....do it....watch it grow!!!  if you are....do it again!!!!  and love it!!!  

Go ahead, today, close your eyes and raise your face to the warmth of the sunlight.  Identify your gift.  Choose who to give it to.  Then do it....Live Life's Passion!!!

My children get the same pep talk I give myself....Life is Hard, sometimes it sucks but it's your choice to be and see beautiful, it is your choice how you will grow and improve life for yourself and for others. I don't expect other people or my children to have this same passion for GTOC's efforts.  I expect them to have so much passion for their life journey that they don't just walk it....they fly it!!!  I know what it's like to almost lose life passion, to have it taken from you, to have to fight for it, to struggle to get it back.....and so GTOC has been created to reinforce your life passion as a thank you to so many that supported me back into mine.

I love when people ask me the "why" questions ... because it presents me with the opportunity to reassess my Passion for Life....am I "flying"??.....why YES!!!  and my bet is that if you are smiling that knowing, peaceful smile by the end of this blog.....You are flying too!!!  V xo

GTOC Blog #37 That full circle of life thing.... V xo

Tonight I had the dearest of pleasures to once again sit cushioned in a theatre seat.  Lush ambiance and heightened anticipation surrounded me.  It has been almost 2 decades since my career in the theatre ended.  Yet the scent, the feel, the love of it's imaginative creativity seemingly has not left my conscious. 

I recall artistic temperments, moments of ingeniously clevered solutions to anxieties of dissatisfactions....and I recall the look on the audiences' face as they stood in applause to the characters we all tasted in creating.

I sat very still tonight in the theatre....this wasn't my time....yet I hugged myself in anticipation.  Tonight was my first time experiencing my daughter Sissy's endeavors in theatrical productions!

How would she handle the lack of timed applause and laughter?  the seemingly irrational timing of stage lighting? a possible equipment malfunction? ....a budding actress of her own regard, Sissy stood proud of her endeavors to learn and produce effective stage lighting and sound for each and every performance. 

I glanced over my shoulder following an irregular surge in volume of Mr. Dean Martin himself....and she took all in professional stride...with a smile and the grace of the young woman she is becoming. ... and the hereditary goofiness only a daughter of mine could so charmingly portray.

My Sissy, was thriving in the greatness and hard work of life in the theatre.
My Sissy...

As I cozied into my cushioned seat preparing for act 2.....I once again hugged myself....proud....My Sissy!!!  ...knowing full well that should the "City hall ghost" reappear and tamper with Mr. Dean Martins' music volume once again....the entire theatrical cast and crew could count on My Sissy to smooth the edges, integrate the ghostly malfunctions into a performance appreciated by all it's attendants and devotees!!  V xo

GTOC Blog #36.....When is the last time you told yourself,...."YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL !!!?"!!

As I walked smiling across the parking lot today, I thought Oh yeah,  I am beautiful!!! "I am all that and a bag of chips".....and so are you...and you....and you too!!

I absolutely LOVE grocery shopping!!  Having come from a world where I had to find breakfast, lunch & dinner for 5 for less than $5.00 a day....groceries in the cupboard are like gold.

When the monsters were young, we would all go grocery shopping together.  Me with my little list...always a baby in the front of the cart....I would direct each of the kids....you...bread....you milk....you....oatmeal.....replicating a strategically planned army maneuver....we were a show to behold.  When most mothers were going crazy with one screaming baby....we would sing and dance down the aisles.

Today, I usually have one or another of the monsters with me,...carrying the hand basket.  Standing quietly by my side as I sing and dance to the grocery store music, sometimes.....just for a moment....they join in. For we go everyday to the grocery store.  Of course some days I go alone.......I get more than a few curious stares as I sing and dance down the aisles.

I don't care.

In fact....sometimes after a particularly tired and grumpy shopper watches me so very enjoying grocery shopping, I will spy them with a little more bounce in their step a few minutes later when they forget someone might be looking!!

I LOVE the saying  "dance like no one is watching"....Having been so shy my entire life that I have avoided much attention.  Now I look into people's eyes,  I smile, they smile.....I don't care who they are,  what they look like,  the grumpier and nastier the better!!

If you are given a second chance to love your life.  Do it.  I am told I am that bird who for the first time flew free from her cage.   So don't tiptoe into freedom.  Fly!!!  Soar!!!  Every second is exhilarating!!! 

There are difficult days.  However, on those days I tuck myself in.  With a little secret smile, I know it won't last.  Sadness cannot last in my life.  It is a part of me but not who I am.  Today when a dear friend talked of her grandmother perhaps in her last days, I relived those last moments with my own father.  I tucked a big cozy sweater around myself and could still feel his hugs.  I cried.  Just a little.  Because my Dad loved to laugh.  I hugged my dear friend.  Hugs give strength.  My Dad still is the definition of strength. 

Strength in Love is learning when to define.  Another woman I would have loved to create a dear friendship with, abandoned her person.  Again, I tucked myself in.  It hurts of course. But defining boundaries is also a strength.  To accomplish this and to still communicate Love of person,  is strength.  I'd be lying if I didn't reveal that I cried again as I hugged myself.  For in order to love others,...you have to love yourself.

So then, twice having cried today....why did I walk from the grocery story, smiling a secret smile,....a skip in my step....look to the blue sunny sky and tell myself...."You are Beautiful!!!"....and that woman in the red toque "She is Beautiful!!"....and the grey haired haggard old man I smiled at ..."He is beautiful....even though he did not smile back!!!"  ....  Because in the grocery store, I always go to....I didn't sing....I didn't dance....I politely stood in line, sad, tired....just wanting to be home, alone and sad. Often, life takes chunks out of you and sometimes we are not given the breather to heal...fill them in between another barrage of chunks in the form of sadness ripping away more.

Then the cashier, I almost never go to, smiled.  Said she was happy to see me, said she doesn't seem to be working during the hours I am there...She was beautifully lovely!!!   Somewhere, somehow I had made enough of a difference in her life, that she stepped out of her quiet demeanor and made me feel welcomed, remembered.....loved.  This my old friend Andy....is Karma.  Yes Victoria there is Karma!!  It exists!!!

And immediately like a flower in full bloom, I beamed smiles right back at her!!!  Yes, there is sadness, it happens.  But I choose happiness, love, freedom!! 

My life is exhilarating! 
The feel of my June Bug's silky fur between my fingers;
The squeeze of baby hands as I get my morning hugs, every morning from Baby Gaby;
The kisses and "I love you's"  my Cassie gives me every night even when I am already asleep;
The strength I feel in my Conor's hugs before he leaves for school, everyday;
And the mornings cuddled in the sunshine with our coffee mugs with Sissy Wissy......
All these moments rush back to me.....I feel loved.....

 So with a skip and a tune.....I look up to the blue sky....."I feel beautiful!!!....I really am all that and a bag of chips"!!!!.....said with some swagger"
And as I bring my eyes back to the parking lot,....the woman with the red toque reflects my smile "You are beautiful!  it says"....
And the old grey hair haggard man who won't remember my smile till the days activities flash before his eyes as he flutters off to a well deserved sleep tonight...."You too are beautiful....and all that and a bag of chips!!!!!"

Life is exhilarating!!!....Karma....Kismit...What goes around Comes around....the Universe sends back to you what you project to it........Choose your moments to celebrate Life everyday!!! 

....and Life will tell you when it is Celebrating You in return!!!  V xo