GTOC Blog #52 The Ghost Eyes

There are ghost eyes.
They are the eyes of those who have seen,
     more than they should have to.
They are the eyes of those who can't find hope.

I remember Ghost eyes as my own as I stared back in the mirror.
I remember the Ghost eyes of my daughter when she heard what she shouldn't have      had to hear.
I witness the Ghost eyes in many of the women I work with.

Of late, I have been aching to reach out into the world.
I know it is my next step in supporting women.
My children remind me of the dangers of the places of plan to go.
     So I have promised to wait another 5 years when Baby Gaby is 18.

My children remind me, that I will have to learn to keep my mouth shut sometimes.
Sometimes in some conflicting style countries when I see all those Ghost eyes, how do I NOT speak?

Of late I have been looking at photos.  People around the world with Ghost eyes.  Soldiers, Women, Children.

This morning I woke up, sparkling sunkissed sunshine on my face.
My green eyes twinkling with excitement to start my day.
A warm smile caressing my face.
I am the fortunate.


But I remember the Ghost Eyes that stared back at me in the mirror.
And I feel the Ghost Eyes in the photos.

I am ready to go now and hug the souls with the Ghost Eyes.
I believe their lives can change.
I know we can reintroduce hope into their lives.

I will wait the 5 years promised to my children.
Then,
Then,...Yes I am scared.
But scared never stopped me before.

When you have had the experience of caressing a smile into a Ghost Eyed face, you know....
     You have a special talent.
One that should be used.

My time is approaching.

I can still feel my Ghost eyes most days.
Perhaps that is how I still relate to the Ghost Eyes of Strangers on the other side of the world.
I have rebuilt my smile though.
It caresses my face throughout my sleep and my sunshine awakenings.

Go to the link.
Feel the thoughts of the courageous people in our world.
Know your fortune.
Share the smile that caresses your face today.
Because we have many, many Ghost Eyes here in our country of the fortunate too.

Vxo

GTOC Blog #51 Morning Coffee in the Foyer

Most mornings I wake up around 2 a.m.  Well, 2:31 a.m. to be exact. Maybe it is a numerology thing?  The numbers 3,2,1 play into so much of my life.

Something like a countdown.

However, when I wake up at 2:31 a.m., I have to decide to get up and work or to get an icy cold glass of water and go back to sleep.

Usually, I walk around the house, check all the windows and doors and go back to sleep.  As I fluff 5 comforters over me, I shiver.  I keep the house pretty cold in the winter and most summer days the shade of the trees keeps it pretty cool too.  To conserve on the utility bills I pay for Rose Hall women's home I keep the temperature there low as well.  However I keep ours even lower.  It would be unfair to expect them to wear a sweater and conserve and not do the same myself.

By 3 a.m. I fall asleep hoping the utility bills won't be too high as usually the women have an electric space heater in their rooms to make up for the low house temperatures.  We don't do that here.  We wear sweaters and slippers, but we cuddle a lot and that makes up for the difference and more.

By 3:21 a.m., I awaken again.  Stresses are threatening my dreams.  Usually I am inside an epic adventure of struggles.  Left overs from the financial and heartstring struggles involved in my efforts for GTOC women.

I want to take on their struggles that I can so that they feel free to work within their personal struggles that hold them back from achieving their goals.

Usually, I fall back to sleep within a few moments of thought filled stresses reversed to moments of gratification that I am strong enough to do what needs to be done for all GTOC's women.

It isn't just financial and heartstring stresses I take on though.  Sometimes I take on their ghosts.  On those nights I don't fall back to sleep and the next morning, boy do I pay for it!  Those mornings I stare out from my foyer.  Steaming coffee soothing my being. It is on those mornings that I must force my conscious back to basic gratifications.  It is really difficult because most times those I am giving of myself to assist are stealing from me and are being negative on my efforts for reasons of self deserving beliefs.  Not self value, but the "give me" factor I work so hard in teaching them to change.  While it hurts when they steal from me knowing by doing so I cannot afford to feed my own family, I wouldn't change what I do.  In fact, I am not complaining.  There is a strength I have learned here.  My mom calls it Detaching with Love.

So usually, I return to sleep by 3:30 a.m.  It is then my angels must kick in feeling sorry for me because I am pleasantly dreaming until my first alarm awakens me with a very soft british voice...."It is 5 o'clock".  I smile as I hug my pillow, deliver morning kisses to Ms June Bug and slip on my big sweater and slippers to shuffle to the kitchen and make coffee.   Mr. Ry Cooder meows his intent to be fed and has taken to softly holding my arm as I open the fridge door to retrieve his can of food.  I try to ignore all the messages, emails and postings now buzzing their arrival to my smart phone.  My brain is still in sleepy love mode.

That first sip of coffee so strong it could bend your spoon, soothes my morning being.  I stare over the front yard through my foyer window, often taking photos of it's rugged beauty.  I have a good life.

I push aside all the negative people, all the organizations that promised their sponsorships of our efforts and pulled out,  and all the other things I have to deal with today.  As a dear friend once told me, "I choose happiness." This one moment is mine to communicate my Love of Life, my Happiness with my world and it is my one moment in this day to revel in it.

At 6:00 am my soft voiced British "friend" informs me of the time.  I turn to my computer with a smile and know that no matter what, I will have the strength to achieve what so many have tried to deter me from.  I will detach from those who would harm me and my efforts for women. I will smile as they threaten my well being as all V-Haters do!  I smile because I know I am a success in my life.

Today a beautiful friend who was looking rather troubled told me I positively changed her day with my smile.

Yes this makes me a success in my life.

15 years ago I started praying for my freedom would come in a manner I could handle.  10 years ago, I achieved that freedom, with the most amazing 4 children any mother could wish for.  I also prayed that I would never become embittered by our horrible experiences, that I would regain my person I once was, happy and loving, hard working and a high achiever.  We have had our trials and frustrations but we learned to be a team.   All the frustrations, self sacrifices and open heart efforts have afforded us a family love beyond my wildest expectations.

Normally, I don't blog about the simple life of someone like me.  I am nobody and it really doesn't mean much to many to read words on my boring life.  I think it is important though for people who help other people and people who are being helped to feel the true value of each other.  There is nothing self deserving and there is not a self sacrifice.  I am not rich, I simply struggle everyday too.  But I LOVE LIFE and I want others to love their lives too.  Because when you start to, you then begin to achieve happiness.

This is called LIFE.

LIFE is the business of GTOC.

I am nobody.  Yet I have been described as "The Richest Woman in Belleville".  I think it is the smile. :)  Behind the smile though, it is important to be understood that I struggle too.  People who steal from me, harm the well being of my family because I have already given you everything we have and usually more.

As I wind up my evening, I look at my financials.  As the head of a Corporation proving to be the next greatest Canadian achievement for it's own people, I have to keep an eye on the financials.  I tell myself, I need to pay more attention to my personal financials too.  In fact, I am trying to tell myself that I need to pay more attention to "the bottom line" because it is those organizations, associations and corporations that succeed in winning the financial support from the world, not corporations that help to fix the people who get harmed in their processes.

But I have to BELIEVE.  I might be a dreamer, but I am a practical dreamer.  AND I DO BELIEVE.

Today as my beautiful friend imparted her need to feel my smile to positively affect her day, I knew I simply believed in my world.  This smile was free.  No Corporation will fail because they delivered the smile that could change the course of someone's day.  For 2 seconds, I wasn't nobody.

three:   That is LIFE.

two:     LIFE is the business of GTOC.

one:     Tomorrow Morning I will sip coffee in my foyer after another restless, stress filled night, and I will give thanks that I have the opportunity to smile and believe in my world for another day.  Vxo

GTOC Blog # 50 Hitting Hard on Reality

I am trying to write my professional presentation of what GTOC does, why it does what it does, the challenges faced and continues to face and how we make it work beyond the "bullshit" life continuously throws at us.

It is important that I show my entrepreneurial abilities to win the Enactus Nationals, but as hard as I try to show the financial abilities of my successful created tri-modular concept, my mind is always filled with those I represent.  Christine most of all.  She was probably the beginning to my renewed life.  But from what I have seen to date, she is just a statistic to everyone but me.  I know there are others out there who loved her.  Her boyfriend and her children.

Without knowing them personally, I return instead to my teen years with Christine as my friend.  My friend who loved ALL my teen intricacies. The scar on her face told me of her tough years growing up as a beautiful native in Prince George BC.  But her fierce heart told me of a person who had goals to surpass in life.  She was a few months younger than me, so she got in trouble on my 19th birthday celebrating and drinking my first legal drink with me.  The first time she felt the force of the impossible violence welling within her, she knew enough love to ask me to leave so she could express her fears and frustrations at life, in her own way.  The path of destruction she left did not deter me from remaining her friend.  This was my Christine, I believed in her.  In her fierce heart.

Eventually she who had succeeded in escaping necessitated a return home.  In those days we wrote letters.  We tried to keep in touch.  I heard of her successes.  Her children born.  Her trials and her errors.  But she never managed to escape Prince George again.  And one day I stopped hearing from My Christine.  I wrote letter after letter in vain.

One day I received a letter from her boyfriend/husband, I am so sorry I don't know.  I don't even know if he was the father of her children but he heard my plea to know where My Christine was.  He responded.  She had passed some time earlier and apologized that no one had told me.  She died of hypothermia following a party.  My Christine died in horrific pain.  I knew nothing of hypothermia, only that it was a painful death.  This woman who had escaped the life of growing up in hell died alone.  To this day, I cry uncontrollably.  I have cried more for my Christine than for my own father, because we all held him as he passed.  My Christine was alone, and she deserved better.  In the very least a hug of love.

So this past month has been extremely stressful as a student entrepreneur and to all those who do not stand with me, with us because GTOC is now an us,  I can only say.....thank God you have never lived "my Christine" in your mind, in your heart.  I am not the reason GTOC was created.  My Christine is.

I lived hell.  My Christine stood and battled hell.  I have dreams that she died peacefully, knowing she was loved.  I wish I had been there.  I would have held her, I would not have let go.

I go into Nationals as a Student Entrepreneur holding my own against those who create and maintain the stigma of women starting over.  And then I remember My Christine.  And I know I need to stand higher and stronger so that those who need to be held, those who just need to know how amazing they are to those of us who believe in them, will never give up...will never give in....will never give up, "My Christine".....She continuously reminds me that I have had a life with a fraction of her pain and she achieved so much more than I could ever hope to achieve for myself and for mine own children.  Because she overcame horrors, I could never imagine.  To me she represents all those who have battled demons far deeper than mine own.

To me, My Christine succeeded.  She found love.  She created love.  She made sure I knew how to continue to love even within my personal hell.

So today I create my presentation to National Enactus with the win in my mind, to win the world for Christine.  For Sarah.  For Lise.  For Diane.  For Jackie.  For My Cassie.  For Linda.  For Tracy.  For Deborah.  For Gillian.  For Nan.  For those I cannot mention.  For those who deserve to be mentioned that I have not met yet.  I am honored to stand here for you all.  OMG I know so many!!  I cry these uncontrollable tears for My Christine.

Everyone else.  Let's change the world on her behalf. Lets make the world stand up, anyone who can, based on the story of My Christine.  The entire world deserves better, man or woman.

 I can express no more than that.  Vxo

GTOC Blog #49 The disconnection facing all our efforts.

Today was a really big deal for me and for GTOC.  Only nothing turned out as expected.  Am I the only person who asks the hard question, that sees the disconnect?

As the Spokesperson for a company that works at ground zero and is making efforts to change policy, mutual communications with the global policy makers is of utmost importance.

However what happens when there is a disconnect between the policy makers and the ground zero persons?  How can the policy makers create positive global change to affect the ground zero persons, if they have no real concept of truly being at ground zero.  AND absolutely visa versa!!

As I left the UN Conference on Global Dialog today, I mentioned to Conor that I had been very nervous to approach the the main speaker and that maybe I thought I simply didn't have an important enough message for her.  Conor thought that perhaps I was feeling insecure but no, that just isn't who I am.  Then I realized that, I am so focused on improving the lives of at risk women and girls that often I do not see, acknowledge or comprehend so much of what is happening all around me.

My nervousness derived from the fact that everyone in the room was very familiar with the Millenium Development Goals and how they will improve our global environment.  I know what they are, I believe in them.  I simply do not have enough time left in my day, after school and after work and after kids to familiarize myself with their details.  So my mind reverted back to the majority of my life when I thought myself as stupid.

Here in lies the difference though.  That focus on improving the lives of at risk women and girls would never allow me to do less than my purpose.

And so I did.

And so I asked the question that was burning in my brain.

Her response was genuine, but it was a hard question.

It took the entire drive home from Ottawa, and a conversation with my Sissy before I could interpret my confusion, my frustration at her response.

The policy makers can not dwell or focus on ground zero if they are to accomplish great legislative deeds that will change our worlds.
The ground zero persons cannot dwell or focus on politics when their efforts are desperately needed at ground zero.

This is the disconnect.

At one time, I had aspirations of becoming a policy maker.  I have been fortunate to have very honest, friends like my friend Andy that explained what limitations would be put on my efforts for women, should I pursue that career.  I wouldn't be free to simply do what I do currently through GTOC.

However, I am not solely the ground zero person either because I am changing policy and community at ground zero with the aspiration to create solutions globally at ground zero.

Once again, the middle child syndrome strikes.  And here is my response.

In our world there are those that plan and those that do.  For some reason, I am both. Perhaps there is a purpose for this?  Perhaps someone like me is the connect? I am unsure of this answer, time will tell.

However, for now, at this specific point in time, my focus is on creating a bigger picture for women here in our community through the doing and the planning required to keep GTOC successfully moving forward in it's global plan.  Vxo

GTOC Blog#48 Please DON'T wake me Up If I am Dreaming!!! Vxo

   One of my Professors noted to the class yesterday, a life philosophy "if things seem perfect, be careful then, they can only get worse!"

Superstitious fool that I am, I start getting nervous.  I have such an amazingly beautiful life, what if it is perfect?  OMG will everything now go to bat shit hell???

So I started forcing myself to think about everything that was NOT perfect in my life.  Sure the only thing I can think of is MONEY to support GTOC's efforts!!!    That means if I won the lottery, everything for sure would go to bat shit hell!!!!???  I started getting pretty scared and then I realized, my life might "feel" perfect but only because I choose to feel the beauty I have been gifted.

This morning after 10 years of not affording myself dental care, I had my teeth cleaned.  I have to admit I was pretty scared with news of my sister starting to have major dental worries.  Toothless smiles would just not be me!!!  Suspiciously nervous my perfectly beautiful life was about to take a bat shit corner turn to hell!!!  But then the Dentist told me I still had beautiful teeth!!  Strong, beautiful teeth, but only for two reasons.  One, I obviously absolutely LOVE brushing my teeth and Two, my entire life up till 10 years ago, my teeth were meticulously maintained!!  Thank you Mom & Dad!!!  Another stress filled worry off my mind, I can't stop running my teeth across my now polished teeth, however what about all my GTOC ladies that havn't been able to afford this same dental care??  Note to self, time to get on that band wagon a little tougher!!!

I continued my morning travels, first home to excitedly wake up Conor and tell him how excited I was to know I get to keep ALL my teeth!!!  then off to Home Depot to pick up the trim paint for the bathroom I am finally finishing!!!  There was a bounce in my step as I smiled ear to ear!  It was infectious!  Person after person stopped me to chat.  Not people I knew.  Strangers.  Very tough, grumpy looking strangers continued their travels with smiles on their faces and in their eyes!!  I am so very fortunate.

Last eve, I created a video for my children.  I wanted them to celebrate that WE ARE A SUCCESS STORY!!!  2014 is our 10 year anniversary together and WE are an amazing team of family love!!!   Today, I realize that it is my fortune to be able to say thank you, not only to my children for loving me unconditionally through all my growing up years aka the past 10 years, but also a huge thank you to all the people who made such a huge difference in our lives!  We are a success story!!!

So.....I wanted to share our family success story video and say thank you!!

To my Dad for hugging me and telling me "everything would be okay" and for teaching me to create beauty from nothing.

To my Mom for feeding us regularly but also for always believing in me.

To Fr. Michael Dwyer for teaching me to believe again.

To all my highschool mates who reminded me who I once was, and how life = fun.

To all the people who believe my heart filled efforts to support women who want to work hard to improve their lives.

To the person, my private mentor who taught me my worth and to remember how to dream big, and KNOW I will make it happen.

To all the women, who let me try to help them in anyway.

To all the people who tried to hurt me and my monsters, you reinforced my strength.

To all the people who have volunteered their time, efforts and donations to help us to help others, there are so many of you.

To all MY "V haters", thank you for teaching me what I could have become and didn't!!!!

To all the women before me who have fought the battles and paved the way.

To everyone who gave me patience and time to grow.

To all the men I dated who were simply "replayed monsters".

To all the men I dated who I will love forever!

To my Kimberly MacDonald, for teaching me the difference between monsters and men and what True Friendship really means!!

To the friends in my life, who have stood by me, who have respected my dedication to my children and the GTOC cause.

To my Professors and classmates who are subjected to my GTOC rants!

To all the positive people in my life....thank you!!!

To all the people who nominated me Remarkable Woman of Quinte 2012,  I may not have won, but I was so honored that you believed I should be in company of some of the most remarkable women I have ever met!!

To Gail Paquette, Al Murack & Bente Nielson, Bruce Bell, all fantastical photographers/journalist who honored myself and my family enabling us to share our story with the world.

I could simply keep going.  Like I said, I am so very fortunate!!  

So, the most exciting thing in my life is that soon I will be able to release GTOC's very first success story!!  I can't wait!!  I am ready to explode just holding in this excitement!!!!  Proof positive in our efforts for women!!!

And in closing, to everyone I so NEED to thank and to all those out there who NEED to hear a success story.  I included the video to my children in this blog and only changed it a little to include you.  Since our first moments in the creation of GTOC, I believed that our communities were searching for positive avenues to display their support of our hard working at risk women.  Know your support IS paying off.  As a community you have created a success story in myself and my monsters, and YOU have supported the success of GTOC's first DOUBLE honor graduate!!!!  

Thank You!!  Vxo

GTOC Blog #51 Living the Life Shock...xoxo Momma

Where to start?

Have you ever been at such a loss for words that a single coherent thought will not entertain your brain?

Focus.

2001 was a big year for us.  Gabriel was born and Sissy finally got her long awaited surgery that I had to fight for.  Seemingly they were months apart but it had been a long, stress filled journey for Sissy and me and the rest of the monsters.  It wasn't until today that the memory of it all came crashing back down upon us.

There's a place you enter in your heart and mind when a loved one, especially a child becomes deathly ill.  Simplified, I have labelled it my place of Live Shock.  The first 4 years of Sissy's life were varying stages of Life Shock.  The week of her surgery was an extreme level of Life Shock I thought I never again would have to endure.  Until today.

The doctor's always warned us that there would be long term effects, but I had become so good at pushing this terrifying thought from my mind, that denying its presence became my reality.  Until today.  Today Life Shock became real again with one text message.  "Mom, I don't feel good again and I have another migraine."

Like an angel was speaking into my ear, this after previous similar messages did not, flooded through four years of restrained Life Shock into my current reality.  It was time.  It is an interesting place to be as a mother.  She wonders why I keep kissing her on the cheek, on the forehead.  It's because I can't hold her for hours like when she was a tiny baby. It's because I have no words to express our next journey together.

We are in a different place now, we Monster Lockyers.  A less obstructive place.  A positive place.  Through various blogs I have expressed how open I am with my children.  This time is no different.  They have essentially raised themselves.  They have earned a level of respect many adults I encounter will never earn.  This phase of the journey is the adult journey.  The pro-active journey.  The knowledge journey.

You know what, it is going to be difficult.  But we believe in living life out loud.  This is who we are.  This isn't death, it is another journey in life.  No mother ever wants to live in Life Shock with her baby.  Like many of the mothers and fathers around me, it is our reality and we learn to smile through the tears.  Because while our children become adults, they are forever our babies.  The burden of the Life Shock stress is not theirs.  It is ours.  Our wish for them is to live and breath hope.  Our hope for them is to enjoy the life they have been given.  Our love of them is the appreciation of their very being in our hearts, minds and arms. 

So yes.  I am going to hug my girl Sissy maybe too many times and she will let me, because there are tough times and tough decisions ahead, but they are livable.  It will simply be a pro-active journey we will venture into together with the spirit of a Monster Lockyer.  V xo

GTOC Blog #47 From the Heart of a Single Mom

The "gushy" stuff.  I usually avoid it in favor of the "empowerment" stuff.  My coaching method is to assist men, women & children to focus their minds on self empowerment.  The problem is, I get to witness so many single Mom's (parents) attempting the struggles so bravely and enduring the pains so completely.  I know what it is like.  I am living it still with my Monsters. 

The truth is that the majority of my "speaking engagements" I give are most effective from the Heart of a Single Mom.  This is no simple task.  Take a woman like me.  I don't look the "role", at least not the role of the so many labels put upon single Mom's.  I live the "self empowerment" role, but the heartstrings of this single Mom sing a note so high, because they are pulled so tight, that there are days when "breakable" is the only word I can use to describe my heart.  When you live the "self empowered" role, it is a huge, heartbreaking endeavor to separate yourself from it's strengths and to allow the heart wrenching pain in your heart to be actualized into words.  Yet I do it, not because I want people to know about me, but because I want people in the position to help, to know that there are a lot of women just like me.  That the labels and stigma attached to us by society are not earned by us, but placed upon us through ignorance.   I enjoy the look of revelation on their faces as I tell my story.  However, I think my heart breaks a little more each time I relive the struggles of me and my Monsters.

I have heard many comments of late, regarding women abusing the system.  That the system is broken because there are too many women just having kids to stay on the system.  Some of it is true.  Most of it isn't.  In fact, I am not going to comment on all the issues that could be discussed on this.  What I will talk on is my experience, like so many other women and by opening it up, displaying it's struggles, obstacles and achievements providing a life like so many others that should be labeled as achievers!  full of life!  hopeful in the face of adversity! hard working!  losing hope!  These are true labels.  Helpful labels.

Today I had to say "no" to my son.  This isn't a new thing and it isn't like I think other Mother's get to say "yes" all the time.  What I am tired of is in saying no to what other children take for granted.  If I had all the money in the world, I wouldn't say "yes" to everything and truthfully it is less about me than it is about him.  So let's paint "his" picture.

He's a good boy, everyone says so who meets him.  He is polite, well mannered, well spoken and very considerate of others.
He has specific chores.  Dishes, Kitty Litter and mr. Pooper Scooper. Makes his own breakfast & lunch.  Does his own laundry most weeks and like his siblings, tackle hugs me when I am too stressed.
It definitely helps that he is a cutie as well.

In order to return to school, I was obligated to terminate my current employment and to apply for OSAP.  I asked my children first.  It was put before them, either I continue with this rollercoaster of commissioned income or I return to school and receive a proper education that will increase either my employable potential or educate me in the progressive structure/functioning of GTOC.  Without a second breath they all voted in favor of schooling.  They knew the restrictions involved.  It didn't matter.  They love like that.

Today I discovered, my OSAP will be over a week later than everyone else's.  More stress.  Not like we haven't "portioned" grocery money before while the bills pile up.  And  of course I said "no" to my son and explained to all my monsters that left overs were not compostable, they are edible with a little creativity.  In fact they would have no choice in this matter, I only purchase what we need for each day.  We shop at the local "dive" of grocery stores.  We are re-negotiating phone bills, insurance bills, mortgages and utilities for both Rose Hall and LTH. 

You know, it really isn't the fact that I have to say "no".  It's the fact that my son is too accustomed too me saying "no", to the point where sometimes he doesn't even ask to go on a class trip when the rest of  his class simply expects to go. 
It's the fact that my children know that if their father supported his end properly we wouldn't have the obstacles that we consistently face.
If you are not a good parent, it is still your obligation to support your children.
If you are both good parents, show it.  Your needs are secondary to the needs of your children and they need both good parents.
It's the fact that their mother works the hours of two full time jobs just to make ends meet and play/cuddle time comes around while Mom falls asleep in exhaustion.
It's the fact that my children give from themselves before I would ever ask them too.
And, it is the fact that sometimes, like all Mom's....I just want to say "yes" .

Life is hard.  Nothing wrong with that.  The largest percentage of women are forced to live in poverty due to divorce and the husband/father not supporting properly.  I have made my choices and I live them now.  Children don't get to make the choices but are made to live with the choices adults make.  Something I shared with a good friend, " it takes both parents to be positively responsible for the well being of their children".  What ever the parent's circumstances the children must come first. I have seen parents positively  do this and to act as adults not only in support of their children but in support of each other. I am so encouraged to witness this in my friends.

However, in the past few weeks I have witnessed many single parents attempting the struggles so bravely and enduring the pains so completely.  I know what it is like.  I am living it still with my Monsters.  I may have had to say "no" today but together as a team, we sacrifice now in support of a better tomorrow.

Hearing all of this.  Know I put this forward freely in response to some of the judgemental, undignified, stigmas I have seen offered up towards single mothers. Now, I know you put them forth not knowing, I was/will forever be, one of the women you have placed judgement upon.  I will also the boss one day given my future goals.  Instead of your negative words, know you can make a true difference and give hope.  Hope that they too will have the opportunity to become self sustaining citizens in a community that will stand strong in support of you one day, should your world fall apart around you.  V xo