Veronica Hendrick-Oltean
Interview March 2012
" With minuscule knowledge, we progress to the Who and Why and How much we are loved. This gives us peace no
matter what is happening in the world or in our lives." ... Veronica Sr.
You may have noticed, I have not published a blog in quite some time now. My desire has been to create a page filled with interviews of everyday women who inspire me, everyday. Fill the page with interviews of them. What they have to say. Who they really are. Thereby showing you not only why they inspire me to the greater good, but also how to put them here to inspire others who read this page.
There are numerous award ceremonies for the Business woman who has achieved greatness. I am in agreement with acknowledging their achievements. In fact I revel in them! How inspiring to witness their achievements!!
My point is separate from this one though. There are "everyday" women who struggle silently, who fight the good fight and through their achievements have inspired me to share their words and their experiences that lead them today to the quiet greatness I see in their spirits.
Should you read my face book posts regularly, you are familiar with my love and devotion for my Mother. Daily my Mother has inspired me to be a better person thusly making my choice to interview her first for this page an examplatory dimension of the definition of "greatness" in my eyes.
I put forth interview type questions to my Mom that I knew would be difficult for her to answer at times. Not that my Mom is hesitant to answer truthfully, that is a given. Simply because my mother is A Lady. She is a lady who is defined foremost by her belief in God, in humankind and in love of appreciation of life.
It is said the tiny are the mighty and the quiet are the strong. This is my Mom, Veronica.
Veronica Jr. "What was it like being an at home mom vs a career mom during the 60's - to the 80's? I always remember you being there. I took it for granted. You were my Mom."
Veronica Sr. "My mom was an at home mom, in fact both parents were at home for most of my child hood. Until grade 7 my parents owned , lived in and ran a corner store and rooming house. They were busy, and we had to help but they were always around. We were taught right from wrong, they were not strict parents but not too lax in discipline either, actually we were just expected to know what was right. . The Orthodox Church was our culture and a constant presence but not regular attendants, this was our immediate and extended family observance. Most of our church particaption was associated with social events like weddings and Christmas etc. My grandmother was my primary religious faith example , having spent a good part of holidays with her , We walked to church often.
When starting a family it was expected the mother would be home, in fact "at home mom " was not really a term in use then. I liked being at home and did not give anything else much thought. I was very busy with 5 children born in 6 years but I liked time being under my control . We were not poor but not much was left at the end of the month. However , about the time, the youngest, Kris was in grade 5 and after Michael (Dad) had gotten quite sick with pneumonia, we realized that if left alone I had no job experience to speak of , so I up graded and then went to college. Once children were old enough many wives returned to work at that time , mostly to typical female "careers ".
Veronica Jr. " I remember this. I was maybe 7 -8 years old? I remember watching them take Dad away in the ambulance and I was scared. Then later we would visit you at school. Watch you work doing Merchandising Display of store windows and later I remember you working at Canadian Tire, right before Christmas time. I remember missing you, when you were working. I remember you telling me or all us kids, it was only for a little while. You always had a way of keeping things properly in perspective so we children would know what to expect and when.
As only one of your children that adore you, my next question to you is specific....it can be more difficult in larger type families for all the children to love the Mother so openly and complete. There seems to be always one or two that have difficulty in expressing the depths of their love. Yet not us. Why do you believe you are so completely successfully loved and respected?"
Veronica Sr.: "This answer will take some thinking, no pat answer will do and picking the right words is important. Being successful as a respected and loved mother does not just happen. First, I do believe that my children and grandchildren love and respect me and show it in many ways. However before I try to explain how this came about let me add, all these young people are very normal with human gifts and faults. To say that I agree with all that they say and do would be a gross exaggeration. They are individuals dealing with their own experiences in life. For the most part, as parent / grandparent, I must watch in silence and pray that as years pass. Wisdom and the true meaning of life will be developed and acknowledged and they will be happy and at peace.
I could not possibly take FULL credit or blame for anything about my children. Good or bad I truly believe that they own the largest share. Only they can make the choices and put into practice what is learned.. With that said, the next share is in possession of the parents, their love, discipline and time shared have a major influence on children's behavior. Because parents are fallible (for the most part they grow with their children) their mistakes will be forgiven as long as love, discipline and time are constant. With love, forgiveness will flow both ways, although to be comfortably accomplished, wisdom developed over years seems to be necessary. Parents have a deeper influence than any one else in a child's life and if that good influence is accompanied with the teaching of a loving and ever present God, love and respect will be shown to all.
Because the picture has changed these last 6 years and I am alone in watching, living and dealing with my family. I have tried to practice a few simple rules. These rules over all, I believe reinforce our shared love and respect.
When asked my opinion or even when not asked but the situation is important to offer advice I will:
1. Will be as truthful as I possibly can with the knowledge I possess
2. I will always express this truth, with as much compassion kindness and love as I can.
3. Only judge as to the right or wrong of an action, trying to stay clear of the motives of a person, this is God's job not mine.
My children love me enough to always be polite, to chat and share with me daily happenings, to welcome me to dinner even when not asked, to not tell me all that goes on in their lives and not expect me to tell all in my life, to always be there when I need them, and to naturally continue to miss their Dad with me because we all love so much."
Veronica Jr. "Interestingly but not surprisingly you take little credit in the instilled affects of your consistent and secure love in your family, your children and foremost God. I recall moments as a child when you created fun, loving atmosphere's within difficult moments. To this very day, I repeat your example with my children and you continue to do for me. I know I achieve by your example of showing me how to see beauty in life, in my God given surroundings.
This naturally leads to my next question, What is your Greatest Belief?"
Veronica Sr.: Following the emotional ending to the previous question, this answer is easy. However how I got here is not. Naturally my greatest belief is knowing there is a God with enough faith to consciously be
listening, learning and trying to do as He asks. It is a never ending, working journey, as living life is !
Because my family culture always involved the church, even just socially, church was normal to me. There was a low level atmosphere of religion , faith, prayer, and God's presence etc. from my grandmother, mother, and even school, who in those days said morning prayers in class. I always had a sense, maybe it could be called a curious feeling, because I often went to church with girl friends and sometimes on my own to any local church. Once in my mid teens, the involvement of family in church was weddings and holiday dances. I did not give church much thought. I did not deny or make any choice. I was just not interested enough to be bothered.
In fact, I thought it quite odd when I was 17 and I had a Sunday afternoon date and he was late because his church was late getting out. A catholic church of course. You see our custom always was if church got in the way of anything, you just did not go.
I failed grade 9 and that summer I started an apprenticeship in hairdressing. Same salon where my sister started, but I wasn't ready to enter the work force. It was too demanding and interfered with my social life. Besides my parents did not insist. So I went to St. Mary's Academy Catholic girl's school, 7-8 blocks from home walking both ways. You would think all that walking would deter a teen, not to mention the awful uniform!! I did fine in grades 9 & 10. The influence was good and the religion was very beneficial. It was a great expansion of what I had learned in the Orthodox church.
I met your Dad in the fall of 1958 and a new part of the journey started. Sunday Mass was a given and was soon if not going with him, I went on my own. Many ups and downs within married life and including understanding and learning about being catholic, however as I said Mass was a given and we went.
Mass was the highlight as far as us being a roman catholic family. We went to mass, did the basics, but no great spirituality was developed within our home. The reason being, I did not have the back ground to pass on more than the basics. Dad, even though he was all knowledge, his daily practice was still the basics.
Basics are a good start but still just a start.
Moving to Frankford in 1975, truly was my beginning in being more than "a basic". Somewhere along the way I listened and learned enough to respect my faith and comply. Knowing that not understanding was my shortcoming not my wrong.
Legion of Mary was and is a mental and physical study doing of our faith , developing human compassion and the desire to help when needed , for God and for the salvation of our souls. My involvement in the Pro Life movement and Legion of Mary have been my vehicle to understanding.
Veronica Jr.: "Mom, you know and support the efforts of GTOC for Aspiring Women. You were in fact the first person I approached with my concepts and you aided me in the integration of some of the most important aspects in the business plan. Truth be told, you were my mentorship support from my first moments of realizing I needed to take action to protect my little family right through to this very day of watching me struggle with my hours of working versus my and my children's need for me to spend more time home with them. Coming from the "at home mother generation you previously described and knowing my own struggles which have abruptly necessitated too many working hours while yearning to return to my role as an at home mother, what is your opinion of women today and how we can equalize our career efforts and self sustainability without harming family life we hold so dear.?"
Veronica Sr.: "The traditional family (mother father children ) is the largest, longest operating and most important institution in the world. It is the basis (basic training) for everything else that is going on in the world. For instance, within the family it is the first place where a child learns to give and receive love. Where we feel part of a caring, secure unit. As a member of this unit, we learn to share, follow discipline and learn right from wrong. Developing the wisdom of how to function successfully in family, in class and very importantly in society and the work involvement.
As a family, to accomplish the above, for many it will be necessary to do with less so that a mother can be home with her children most of the time, at least until they are well in school.
I know that some may think the above family concept is the ideal and an unrealistic situation , I think not , it was the normal family in the past and can be again.
There are exceptions of course, but these should be the exception.
I believe for the ultimate well being of man kind, family/children must comes first. All humans are created equal, however being male or female does predispose us to certain roles and duties in life.
Children are our future, what we teach them at home they take with them to run their lives in greater society.
I will make an effort to specifically answer the question: If an at home mother wishes to stay current with in a career, she was educated i , she most certainly could take evening courses or work minimum part time in the field of her choice. I do not think a full time career and a young family is doable, children always get the short end of the time share.
Veronica Jr.: " I have witnessed many mother's over my years and how they communicate the lessons of life with their children. I have had the opportunity to also witness and have been one of the mother's held back from personal and professional growth through whatever their spouse's fears and insecurities were, yet remained steadfast in their dedication to their children and thankfully I have witnessed those children who have achieved well being inspite of their mother's misguided attempts at motherhood. To say I have seen it all would be deemed as bold. To say I have seen life's circumstances affect the best of intent would seem more in tune.
As your child, I have witnessed many of our family's life ups and downs. I have witnessed you in support of Dad's efforts and in the care of his well being. Never have I witnessed a more devoted wife and mother. My lesson here is that you did not lose yourself in this devotion....so I ask you now...
What is your greatest success?"
Veronica Sr.: " I think the answer to this is that I am happy to be me. I have been able to roll with the punches and land on my feet with them pointing in the right direction. It would have been better if my mate were still sharing my life because he played no little part in helping me be who I am."
My mom, has been my mentor throughout many a difficult moment, throughout many a bad decision. She has been the person I entrust with my beliefs, my children and my aspirations.
My mother inspires me to be the Aspiring Woman I was meant to be and to inspire others to do the same. It is through her tenacious attentiveness that I have formatted the mentorship program for all Aspiring Women within or without GTOC.
There are no judgements placed, only the encouragement to fulfill your full role in life. ....Veronica Jr......
Interview March 2012
You may have noticed, I have not published a blog in quite some time now. My desire has been to create a page filled with interviews of everyday women who inspire me, everyday. Fill the page with interviews of them. What they have to say. Who they really are. Thereby showing you not only why they inspire me to the greater good, but also how to put them here to inspire others who read this page.
There are numerous award ceremonies for the Business woman who has achieved greatness. I am in agreement with acknowledging their achievements. In fact I revel in them! How inspiring to witness their achievements!!
My point is separate from this one though. There are "everyday" women who struggle silently, who fight the good fight and through their achievements have inspired me to share their words and their experiences that lead them today to the quiet greatness I see in their spirits.
Should you read my face book posts regularly, you are familiar with my love and devotion for my Mother. Daily my Mother has inspired me to be a better person thusly making my choice to interview her first for this page an examplatory dimension of the definition of "greatness" in my eyes.
I put forth interview type questions to my Mom that I knew would be difficult for her to answer at times. Not that my Mom is hesitant to answer truthfully, that is a given. Simply because my mother is A Lady. She is a lady who is defined foremost by her belief in God, in humankind and in love of appreciation of life.
It is said the tiny are the mighty and the quiet are the strong. This is my Mom, Veronica.
Veronica Jr. "What was it like being an at home mom vs a career mom during the 60's - to the 80's? I always remember you being there. I took it for granted. You were my Mom."
Veronica Sr. "My mom was an at home mom, in fact both parents were at home for most of my child hood. Until grade 7 my parents owned , lived in and ran a corner store and rooming house. They were busy, and we had to help but they were always around. We were taught right from wrong, they were not strict parents but not too lax in discipline either, actually we were just expected to know what was right. . The Orthodox Church was our culture and a constant presence but not regular attendants, this was our immediate and extended family observance. Most of our church particaption was associated with social events like weddings and Christmas etc. My grandmother was my primary religious faith example , having spent a good part of holidays with her , We walked to church often.
When starting a family it was expected the mother would be home, in fact "at home mom " was not really a term in use then. I liked being at home and did not give anything else much thought. I was very busy with 5 children born in 6 years but I liked time being under my control . We were not poor but not much was left at the end of the month. However , about the time, the youngest, Kris was in grade 5 and after Michael (Dad) had gotten quite sick with pneumonia, we realized that if left alone I had no job experience to speak of , so I up graded and then went to college. Once children were old enough many wives returned to work at that time , mostly to typical female "careers ".
Veronica Jr. " I remember this. I was maybe 7 -8 years old? I remember watching them take Dad away in the ambulance and I was scared. Then later we would visit you at school. Watch you work doing Merchandising Display of store windows and later I remember you working at Canadian Tire, right before Christmas time. I remember missing you, when you were working. I remember you telling me or all us kids, it was only for a little while. You always had a way of keeping things properly in perspective so we children would know what to expect and when.
As only one of your children that adore you, my next question to you is specific....it can be more difficult in larger type families for all the children to love the Mother so openly and complete. There seems to be always one or two that have difficulty in expressing the depths of their love. Yet not us. Why do you believe you are so completely successfully loved and respected?"
Veronica Sr.: "This answer will take some thinking, no pat answer will do and picking the right words is important. Being successful as a respected and loved mother does not just happen. First, I do believe that my children and grandchildren love and respect me and show it in many ways. However before I try to explain how this came about let me add, all these young people are very normal with human gifts and faults. To say that I agree with all that they say and do would be a gross exaggeration. They are individuals dealing with their own experiences in life. For the most part, as parent / grandparent, I must watch in silence and pray that as years pass. Wisdom and the true meaning of life will be developed and acknowledged and they will be happy and at peace.
I could not possibly take FULL credit or blame for anything about my children. Good or bad I truly believe that they own the largest share. Only they can make the choices and put into practice what is learned.. With that said, the next share is in possession of the parents, their love, discipline and time shared have a major influence on children's behavior. Because parents are fallible (for the most part they grow with their children) their mistakes will be forgiven as long as love, discipline and time are constant. With love, forgiveness will flow both ways, although to be comfortably accomplished, wisdom developed over years seems to be necessary. Parents have a deeper influence than any one else in a child's life and if that good influence is accompanied with the teaching of a loving and ever present God, love and respect will be shown to all.
Because the picture has changed these last 6 years and I am alone in watching, living and dealing with my family. I have tried to practice a few simple rules. These rules over all, I believe reinforce our shared love and respect.
When asked my opinion or even when not asked but the situation is important to offer advice I will:
1. Will be as truthful as I possibly can with the knowledge I possess
2. I will always express this truth, with as much compassion kindness and love as I can.
3. Only judge as to the right or wrong of an action, trying to stay clear of the motives of a person, this is God's job not mine.
My children love me enough to always be polite, to chat and share with me daily happenings, to welcome me to dinner even when not asked, to not tell me all that goes on in their lives and not expect me to tell all in my life, to always be there when I need them, and to naturally continue to miss their Dad with me because we all love so much."
Veronica Jr. "Interestingly but not surprisingly you take little credit in the instilled affects of your consistent and secure love in your family, your children and foremost God. I recall moments as a child when you created fun, loving atmosphere's within difficult moments. To this very day, I repeat your example with my children and you continue to do for me. I know I achieve by your example of showing me how to see beauty in life, in my God given surroundings.
This naturally leads to my next question, What is your Greatest Belief?"
Veronica Sr.: Following the emotional ending to the previous question, this answer is easy. However how I got here is not. Naturally my greatest belief is knowing there is a God with enough faith to consciously be
listening, learning and trying to do as He asks. It is a never ending, working journey, as living life is !
Because my family culture always involved the church, even just socially, church was normal to me. There was a low level atmosphere of religion , faith, prayer, and God's presence etc. from my grandmother, mother, and even school, who in those days said morning prayers in class. I always had a sense, maybe it could be called a curious feeling, because I often went to church with girl friends and sometimes on my own to any local church. Once in my mid teens, the involvement of family in church was weddings and holiday dances. I did not give church much thought. I did not deny or make any choice. I was just not interested enough to be bothered.
In fact, I thought it quite odd when I was 17 and I had a Sunday afternoon date and he was late because his church was late getting out. A catholic church of course. You see our custom always was if church got in the way of anything, you just did not go.
I failed grade 9 and that summer I started an apprenticeship in hairdressing. Same salon where my sister started, but I wasn't ready to enter the work force. It was too demanding and interfered with my social life. Besides my parents did not insist. So I went to St. Mary's Academy Catholic girl's school, 7-8 blocks from home walking both ways. You would think all that walking would deter a teen, not to mention the awful uniform!! I did fine in grades 9 & 10. The influence was good and the religion was very beneficial. It was a great expansion of what I had learned in the Orthodox church.
I met your Dad in the fall of 1958 and a new part of the journey started. Sunday Mass was a given and was soon if not going with him, I went on my own. Many ups and downs within married life and including understanding and learning about being catholic, however as I said Mass was a given and we went.
Mass was the highlight as far as us being a roman catholic family. We went to mass, did the basics, but no great spirituality was developed within our home. The reason being, I did not have the back ground to pass on more than the basics. Dad, even though he was all knowledge, his daily practice was still the basics.
Basics are a good start but still just a start.
Moving to Frankford in 1975, truly was my beginning in being more than "a basic". Somewhere along the way I listened and learned enough to respect my faith and comply. Knowing that not understanding was my shortcoming not my wrong.
Legion of Mary was and is a mental and physical study doing of our faith , developing human compassion and the desire to help when needed , for God and for the salvation of our souls. My involvement in the Pro Life movement and Legion of Mary have been my vehicle to understanding.
Veronica Jr.: "Mom, you know and support the efforts of GTOC for Aspiring Women. You were in fact the first person I approached with my concepts and you aided me in the integration of some of the most important aspects in the business plan. Truth be told, you were my mentorship support from my first moments of realizing I needed to take action to protect my little family right through to this very day of watching me struggle with my hours of working versus my and my children's need for me to spend more time home with them. Coming from the "at home mother generation you previously described and knowing my own struggles which have abruptly necessitated too many working hours while yearning to return to my role as an at home mother, what is your opinion of women today and how we can equalize our career efforts and self sustainability without harming family life we hold so dear.?"
Veronica Sr.: "The traditional family (mother father children ) is the largest, longest operating and most important institution in the world. It is the basis (basic training) for everything else that is going on in the world. For instance, within the family it is the first place where a child learns to give and receive love. Where we feel part of a caring, secure unit. As a member of this unit, we learn to share, follow discipline and learn right from wrong. Developing the wisdom of how to function successfully in family, in class and very importantly in society and the work involvement.
As a family, to accomplish the above, for many it will be necessary to do with less so that a mother can be home with her children most of the time, at least until they are well in school.
I know that some may think the above family concept is the ideal and an unrealistic situation , I think not , it was the normal family in the past and can be again.
There are exceptions of course, but these should be the exception.
I believe for the ultimate well being of man kind, family/children must comes first. All humans are created equal, however being male or female does predispose us to certain roles and duties in life.
Children are our future, what we teach them at home they take with them to run their lives in greater society.
I will make an effort to specifically answer the question: If an at home mother wishes to stay current with in a career, she was educated i , she most certainly could take evening courses or work minimum part time in the field of her choice. I do not think a full time career and a young family is doable, children always get the short end of the time share.
Veronica Jr.: " I have witnessed many mother's over my years and how they communicate the lessons of life with their children. I have had the opportunity to also witness and have been one of the mother's held back from personal and professional growth through whatever their spouse's fears and insecurities were, yet remained steadfast in their dedication to their children and thankfully I have witnessed those children who have achieved well being inspite of their mother's misguided attempts at motherhood. To say I have seen it all would be deemed as bold. To say I have seen life's circumstances affect the best of intent would seem more in tune.
As your child, I have witnessed many of our family's life ups and downs. I have witnessed you in support of Dad's efforts and in the care of his well being. Never have I witnessed a more devoted wife and mother. My lesson here is that you did not lose yourself in this devotion....so I ask you now...
What is your greatest success?"
Veronica Sr.: " I think the answer to this is that I am happy to be me. I have been able to roll with the punches and land on my feet with them pointing in the right direction. It would have been better if my mate were still sharing my life because he played no little part in helping me be who I am."
My mom, has been my mentor throughout many a difficult moment, throughout many a bad decision. She has been the person I entrust with my beliefs, my children and my aspirations.
My mother inspires me to be the Aspiring Woman I was meant to be and to inspire others to do the same. It is through her tenacious attentiveness that I have formatted the mentorship program for all Aspiring Women within or without GTOC.
There are no judgements placed, only the encouragement to fulfill your full role in life. ....Veronica Jr......
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