I grew up in a family that remained true to the historically described severely unromantic notion of Irish Anger. I can recall several instances growing up where, dramatic anger,...larger than life....were the norm. Swift Vikingish visualizations of an enfuriating rage and decapitating ax swipe of the massive Conan the Barbarian, romantically handsome Kull the Conqueror, ahhh yes....even the terrifiying Ivan the Terrible!....were dramatisized in my everyday life as a child.....or shall I say romantisized???? My father, a true Irishman, ruled his family with an iron fist and a leprachanish twinkle in his eye...... My Mom,.....classically elegant and the solid pillar that held my father's beliefs. Mom, the Romantisized Romanian Gypsy, tiny and mighty in one solid glance. My father would educate and discuss religious and political history with my Mom with stories that kept us children enthralled through long family dinners each Sunday.....so fantastical.....yet always with humor in each story that would ignite that leprachanish twinkle. Dad would chide Mom on her Romanian ancestry with a fully accented Vladimir the Impaler historical renditions a la Boris Karloff......" I Wan TO Suck Yo Blood!!!!" ahahahahahahahahah!!!
I romantisize my childhood. I am a Storyteller like my father. When you ask, I will recant an episode unlike any you have ever experienced, taken from my life of travel, loves won, loves lost, ...and I will make you feel. Feel a lifetime you ache to experience. All embellished upon true facts. For it is how a Storyteller views there world, their community.
I have also inherited my father's tenacity....and raging anger at injustices. While my father's influence was quick to temper, my mother's was much more temperate. I thank God everyday that I recognized the difference at an early age. There have been times in my life I was justified to rage in a physical manner that would could easily subdue Ivan the Terrible and entice a full blown retreat within Vladimir himself. Without my mother's influence of self control, I could easily be incarcerated at this date. Yes I have very much been influenced by my father's tenacity to correct injustices with my Mother's temperate intellect to negotiate for the good of community.
Like my Mother I have been considered extreemly redundant and unintelligent for the majority of my life. Not because I displayed this characteristic but more because I displayed no characteristic to differentiate myself from a quiet tenacious snail that carried it's house, strong but enduringly silent. Since my father's passing, my Mother has taken on the role of being vocal in her beliefs. She no longer stands supportive behind my father...she stands true to her own, irregardless of who, what, when, ...it doesn't matter how tiny you are....stand tall....be heard....live what you believe.
The common element inherited from both my parents.....stand tall, be heard.....Live what you Believe.
At 47 years old.....I have finally heard the message my parents passed on to us children. ..."Live What you Believe".
This is no simple task.
I believe in the love, the sanctity of marriage, but even with 18 years of effort, I have yet to experienced it.
I believe in "love thy neighbor"...but I have experienced neighbors that witnessed the hardships bestowed upon myself and endured the degradation of their cheers encouraging my oppressor.
I have tried to believe in me. But I am the first to let myself down.
At 47 years old, today a simple question was asked of me and I responded, without hesitation...."Live What You Believe"
So I put before you, my Community and I put before myself .... What do You Believe???
I believe in the goodness of people.....If you tell people they are good.....they will hold true.
I believe in the love of humanity....If you tell people they can help their brother with a smile.....they will smile.
I believe in children, ..I watch many families around me trying to instill basic loves...I watch them succeed.
I believe we have been provided with an abundance, it is our duty to share...and accept what others will share.
I believe we have innate abilities to shine beyond our conceptual expectations.
I believe it is our duty as members of an international community release the conceptual inhibitions and shine to benefit our international brother and sister.
True to Governmental and Corporate structurally monetary mentalities, encompassing the international community with a movement of "communal brotherhood" is an achievement we are striving towards with intrepid steps.....they require a model.....a model of success within a structured statistical atmosphere, called "Community'.
So we are taken to task. WE are a COMMUNITY.
Within our local community we have the privileged, ...and at times even our privileged need aid.
Within our local community we have the consistents. ...and sometimes even our consistents need aid.
Within our local community we have the underprivileged,....and sometimes even our underprivileged need aid.
HERE is our model, within a structured statistical atmosphere.
HERE is our task.
What can each of us privileged, consistents, & underprivileged do within this community model to create a successful benefit to our brother and sister?
What are you willing to do? What do you believe in? What do you live?
When you decide to have children and you create a world of love around them, does it include a community that believes? Do you encourage them to engage with our international community? In this day, is there any other way to achieve knowledge other than to engage at such a level?
We ask ourselves all these questions when we bring our children into our local and international community. What do we want for our Children? We want them to experience a world better than what we experienced with the everlasting tenacious believe in respect of love and life.
So show them here, what is possible.
So show our Government what our Local Community has made possible.
So show our Corporate and International Community what we have made possible.
Stand up. Be heard. Live What You Believe.
This is our International Community Model based upon the success of our Local Community Model.
This year my Mother told me of my Father's taste for the disgusting combination of peanut butter and onions on toast. Completely my concept of an abomination of a long standing peanut butter and toast treat within my childhood and adult families. This evening, I ventured forth, petrified of the "hereditarial" abomination for this taste yet trusting of his tenaciously Irish sensibilities of old.
This evening, I tasted my first endeavor into green onion dipped in skippy peanut butter.....uncertain I dipped into the large skippy jar with my green produce, once again.....and yet a third time......shall I say 5th/6th ?????
Oh Danny Boy,;....What have you hidden from my taste buds?....What lays afront me in the newly found experience of my taste buds experimentation with endeavorous tastes of old?....come to me O'le Danny Boy for the onion dipped Skippy Be Callin' to me from times of old....
I return to my hereditary influences of a tenaciously Irish Father and a patiently Romanian Mother.....I am blessed. For my family is my Community...and I have been taught the most enduring lesson of old.....
Live What You Believe.... V xo
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Thursday, November 8, 2012
GTOC Blog #28 Allowing Self Redundance
I have to admit, I didn't categorize myself as redundant until I was eternally negated by employers searching for that one thing I did not have. It was redundant that I excelled at the exponential experience they detailed for their mundane state of position. My resume did not entail the one detail they desired....I was therefore categorized as redundant, like so many 40+ women before me.
"Hi, I am redundant....I have been searching for a meaningful position that will fill me with the gratification of accomplishment, I work hard 24/7/365/, my team adores me, my mission is to fulfill the quota entailed within the company that would employ my redundant butt.......Hi, I am redundant."
In 1993 I released my dream career to remain home with my first child, then again in 1995 with my second child, 1997 with my third & in 2001 with mr. baby gaby.
Since this decision, I unknowingly and seemingly signed the document detailing my redundancy.
In 2004, my redundancy became evident to me as the the father of all 4 of my children skipped country.
"Hi, I am redundant...I have worked within my chosen career, handed my dream job on a silver platter for my efforts, worked an abundance of meaningful positions, have the highest provincial real estate law grading, have raised 4 children and survived a physically, emotionally, & mentally abusive relationship, successfully achieving complete Love of Life, it's people, it's community....and I.........I am redundant."
Definition of Redundant: "being in excess; exceeding what is usual or natural: a redundant part."
As I explained to my children the why's of me taking a position far below my capabilities I would explain,...."Mommy has been out of work for a long time while I stayed home....there are many women who have lots and lots of education that will be Mommy's bosses."....then they would meet these "very intellectual women" and my children afterwards would say...."it sounds like Mommy is taking care of these very intellectual women,...."....and following tuck in time...I would hide in my room and cry.
I was ready to soar,....however the world around me was telling me to crawl.... why?
Sometimes, yes...we have to crawl a few times before we truly learn to soar. Each of us differs. Some soar at the offset. Some must learn to soar.....maybe we need to crash land on a few occasions before soaring encompasses our lives.
In 2005 I crash landed, with 4 children all under the age of 12. By the time 2006 arrived, I had struck a note in a new career and created an abundance of neighborhood abusers that would block my efforts to provide a living for my children. I was "kinda pretty" I worked too hard....I was a happy, loving mom,...so I must be a horrible person somewhere....the rumors were plentiful and spread from the small town moms to their small town children and were readily injected into my already injured children.
Together we faced an abundance of obstacles. To this day my only answer as to how we survived and thrived is our absolute love for each other.
In 2010, I announced my decision to create a company, not like any before me, that would aid women like me in achieving their goals. That would fill the loop holes and cracks our current system created. I created a viable business that would achieve what others of similar sorts could not.
Myself, my children, consciously decided.....we don't need a stock pile of food (we've been without for so very long, why would we need it now)....we don't need a new car ( we fly on a wing and a prayer)...we don't need designer or name brand clothing ( mom was a designer...we are too) ....we rarely go out to dinner/movies/shopping/....we have 9 acres across which we hike, together,...we dance in the fields, we borrow movies instead of having tv....we know....there is more to life than things....and we did it.
In 2012, we really did it! We,....the kids and I, created a home any woman would be proud to say she lived in. We turned our home into a place we would be proud to invite other women and their children into. We worked hard. We created flower gardens, stone walls to contain them, we cut acres of grass...created multitudes of patios for various moments in various women's lives.
Then we purchased another home. I took on a second night time job to cover the mortgages on both houses. With faith....we have pilgrimiged forward. It has taken time...and the first GTOC house for women opened it's doors in October, for the most wonderful and courageous woman and her sons. We were proud the day we met this intelligent woman who loved life in a venue identical to your own. What she required we could provide. In accepting her efforts, a community was created. The second woman arrived, desparately in need of a warm environment. GTOC's Rose Hall was becoming viable.
The second house was under renovation.....and an emergency occurred. The local support and aid supplier declined assistance and GTOC was brought to task. From this....a new avenue for those who would need has been established....The "FURNITURE FRIEND-ZE". From here, those in need without a doubt, will receive the required healthy food for their families FREE of CHARGE....beds, chairs, tables etc for their homes FREE of CHARGE....
I run it currently from my home that I am renovating for the next round of GTOC women. With the support of community we will expand on this.
I am proof, my children/ my family is proof, our community is proof....we can achieve what is required to support the efforts of those who wish to work hard to achieve permanent quality of life. We have decided via GTOC to be the "hand up" for those who are ready to achieve. We are the "hand up" while we await those who are not ready to achieve yet as well.
Glass Tower Offices Corporation, may be my brain child. However, it is my communities achievement. THEY have stepped forward. THEY have seen the need. I have only given direction. THEY have given HOPE where it was needed.
I am no longer redundant. I am needed.
Everyday, I meet with women who feel as I once did. "Redundant".
I tell the my story. They tell me there's.
Together we set a goal, that will make them feel needed, not only by their community...but by themselves. For that is where it begins...... V xo
"Hi, I am redundant....I have been searching for a meaningful position that will fill me with the gratification of accomplishment, I work hard 24/7/365/, my team adores me, my mission is to fulfill the quota entailed within the company that would employ my redundant butt.......Hi, I am redundant."
In 1993 I released my dream career to remain home with my first child, then again in 1995 with my second child, 1997 with my third & in 2001 with mr. baby gaby.
Since this decision, I unknowingly and seemingly signed the document detailing my redundancy.
In 2004, my redundancy became evident to me as the the father of all 4 of my children skipped country.
"Hi, I am redundant...I have worked within my chosen career, handed my dream job on a silver platter for my efforts, worked an abundance of meaningful positions, have the highest provincial real estate law grading, have raised 4 children and survived a physically, emotionally, & mentally abusive relationship, successfully achieving complete Love of Life, it's people, it's community....and I.........I am redundant."
Definition of Redundant: "being in excess; exceeding what is usual or natural: a redundant part."
As I explained to my children the why's of me taking a position far below my capabilities I would explain,...."Mommy has been out of work for a long time while I stayed home....there are many women who have lots and lots of education that will be Mommy's bosses."....then they would meet these "very intellectual women" and my children afterwards would say...."it sounds like Mommy is taking care of these very intellectual women,...."....and following tuck in time...I would hide in my room and cry.
I was ready to soar,....however the world around me was telling me to crawl.... why?
Sometimes, yes...we have to crawl a few times before we truly learn to soar. Each of us differs. Some soar at the offset. Some must learn to soar.....maybe we need to crash land on a few occasions before soaring encompasses our lives.
In 2005 I crash landed, with 4 children all under the age of 12. By the time 2006 arrived, I had struck a note in a new career and created an abundance of neighborhood abusers that would block my efforts to provide a living for my children. I was "kinda pretty" I worked too hard....I was a happy, loving mom,...so I must be a horrible person somewhere....the rumors were plentiful and spread from the small town moms to their small town children and were readily injected into my already injured children.
Together we faced an abundance of obstacles. To this day my only answer as to how we survived and thrived is our absolute love for each other.
In 2010, I announced my decision to create a company, not like any before me, that would aid women like me in achieving their goals. That would fill the loop holes and cracks our current system created. I created a viable business that would achieve what others of similar sorts could not.
Myself, my children, consciously decided.....we don't need a stock pile of food (we've been without for so very long, why would we need it now)....we don't need a new car ( we fly on a wing and a prayer)...we don't need designer or name brand clothing ( mom was a designer...we are too) ....we rarely go out to dinner/movies/shopping/....we have 9 acres across which we hike, together,...we dance in the fields, we borrow movies instead of having tv....we know....there is more to life than things....and we did it.
In 2012, we really did it! We,....the kids and I, created a home any woman would be proud to say she lived in. We turned our home into a place we would be proud to invite other women and their children into. We worked hard. We created flower gardens, stone walls to contain them, we cut acres of grass...created multitudes of patios for various moments in various women's lives.
Then we purchased another home. I took on a second night time job to cover the mortgages on both houses. With faith....we have pilgrimiged forward. It has taken time...and the first GTOC house for women opened it's doors in October, for the most wonderful and courageous woman and her sons. We were proud the day we met this intelligent woman who loved life in a venue identical to your own. What she required we could provide. In accepting her efforts, a community was created. The second woman arrived, desparately in need of a warm environment. GTOC's Rose Hall was becoming viable.
The second house was under renovation.....and an emergency occurred. The local support and aid supplier declined assistance and GTOC was brought to task. From this....a new avenue for those who would need has been established....The "FURNITURE FRIEND-ZE". From here, those in need without a doubt, will receive the required healthy food for their families FREE of CHARGE....beds, chairs, tables etc for their homes FREE of CHARGE....
I run it currently from my home that I am renovating for the next round of GTOC women. With the support of community we will expand on this.
I am proof, my children/ my family is proof, our community is proof....we can achieve what is required to support the efforts of those who wish to work hard to achieve permanent quality of life. We have decided via GTOC to be the "hand up" for those who are ready to achieve. We are the "hand up" while we await those who are not ready to achieve yet as well.
Glass Tower Offices Corporation, may be my brain child. However, it is my communities achievement. THEY have stepped forward. THEY have seen the need. I have only given direction. THEY have given HOPE where it was needed.
I am no longer redundant. I am needed.
Everyday, I meet with women who feel as I once did. "Redundant".
I tell the my story. They tell me there's.
Together we set a goal, that will make them feel needed, not only by their community...but by themselves. For that is where it begins...... V xo
Friday, November 2, 2012
Blog #27 Discovering Life Balance....
The life path I have chosen is not an easy one. I revel in this. Most likely I'd be bored if I had chosen an easy life path...if there is such a thing.
One expression I have always lived by is "do everything in moderation" For example: Too much singularly healthy living can't be all good. If we wash our hands every 2 seconds, how will our bodies learn to fight germs? Eventually some type of germ will slip through along the most sincere of avenues....and we only hope our bodies are tough enough to protect our overall well being.
Really, I have yet to observe a Mexican not drink Mexican water or check their vegetables to verify they were washed in bottled water, or ice cube for evidence of cleanliness. My ex however felt his being to be drunkingly superior and became the closest of messy buddies with Mr. Montazuma himself, and danced the unwaivering Montazuma waltz with this newest and dearest companion, while on our honeymoon.
The two don't identically correlate however, the image emerged and must be shared!!
This evening I received a "I give up on love of life" message from one of my dearest old friends. He once was the most romantic, gentlemen...with a twinkle in his eye, none in this world could ignore. Knowing he has tried for an abundance of years to maintain a romance in his marriage, I know it is the failure of these attempts with a woman who has allowed hatred and fear to over rule her every movement that has resigned his very being to failure in love of life. Every part of me wants to fight for them. Together or apart, love of life is worth fighting for.....even when all else seems lost.
LOVE OF LIFE = FAITH = SELF WORTH = RESPECT OF LIVE = HAPPINESS = LOVE OF LIFE
I cannot however, fight a fight for someone else. This is their fight. Upon receiving his text this evening, I began to sink into despair alongside him. I empathically do this whether it is a friend I have just met or a friend I have held close to my heart all my years. I do this upon my first introduction to every Aspiring Woman's shared story and I do this with my beautiful and most dearest friends, I hold so close to my heart....This is my life I have chosen,...it's not an easy one.
With a tear in my eye, I disjointedly separated myself from my phone from where the text came from. I wandered to the kitchen and attempted to reattach myself with my world of hope, my family, by preparing the planned meal for dinner. Again the invisible waves of despair rippled through my heart and I hid the tears behind the chopping of tasty purple onions.
Literally I felt my heart grasping, reaching for hope. Despair was throwing an unfavorable "off balance" to my usually happy, loving life. So I reached once again for my phone, wishing to witness letters, words of hope from the spark of a person I once knew. None. And the tears welled as my thumb routinely searched messages from texts, to emails...searching for someone I could fight for, that still had hope, that would re-energize my hope.....None.
As I lay down my now dull phone, face down as if to seal the fate of his chosen words...my phone vibrated.....through very thick tears that refused to dislodge I read a message of hope. A message of faith in me. Not from my old friend. But from an unknown. As I read this very brief message, my lips began to quiver, like my Mom's always did when her deepest of feelings were affected.
In essence this message relayed a group of people's faith in my efforts for GTOC's women. Beyond any communications, they have decifered my daily struggle to try to do enough. They have read between the lines I actually share and suffered my empathies along with me. In sending this one small email, this group renewed my life balance....I opened my arms and hugged my son...my son that can and has been easily trapped in the sufferings of others. I chose him because he also can feel, as I do, the joy of others and I share my hope, my love of life...the understanding of the balance of life with him so that one day when I am not here to even this balance, he will understand and feel the effects of now.....then.
In my son's eyes, I saw hope and love of life once again reflected.
Sometimes, it is thrown off balance and we cannot affect that balance alone. It takes some one else's belief and love in life shared with us to affect our balance.
My message was sent from half way around the world. Our world is delicately balanced on love of life.. Today you have the choice as to which way the balance will lean. Choose. Share. Believe. Love Life enough to affect the balance.
My own LOVE OF LIFE, HOPE AND FAITH now firmly balanced within my world....I place within the hands of my old friend a spark. I freely release one of my own and trust him to hold it. Care for it. For one day, in his deepest darkest moment he will open his fist, release this spark and follow it to his own personal HAPPINESS IN HIS LOVE OF LIFE. V xo
One expression I have always lived by is "do everything in moderation" For example: Too much singularly healthy living can't be all good. If we wash our hands every 2 seconds, how will our bodies learn to fight germs? Eventually some type of germ will slip through along the most sincere of avenues....and we only hope our bodies are tough enough to protect our overall well being.
Really, I have yet to observe a Mexican not drink Mexican water or check their vegetables to verify they were washed in bottled water, or ice cube for evidence of cleanliness. My ex however felt his being to be drunkingly superior and became the closest of messy buddies with Mr. Montazuma himself, and danced the unwaivering Montazuma waltz with this newest and dearest companion, while on our honeymoon.
The two don't identically correlate however, the image emerged and must be shared!!
This evening I received a "I give up on love of life" message from one of my dearest old friends. He once was the most romantic, gentlemen...with a twinkle in his eye, none in this world could ignore. Knowing he has tried for an abundance of years to maintain a romance in his marriage, I know it is the failure of these attempts with a woman who has allowed hatred and fear to over rule her every movement that has resigned his very being to failure in love of life. Every part of me wants to fight for them. Together or apart, love of life is worth fighting for.....even when all else seems lost.
LOVE OF LIFE = FAITH = SELF WORTH = RESPECT OF LIVE = HAPPINESS = LOVE OF LIFE
I cannot however, fight a fight for someone else. This is their fight. Upon receiving his text this evening, I began to sink into despair alongside him. I empathically do this whether it is a friend I have just met or a friend I have held close to my heart all my years. I do this upon my first introduction to every Aspiring Woman's shared story and I do this with my beautiful and most dearest friends, I hold so close to my heart....This is my life I have chosen,...it's not an easy one.
With a tear in my eye, I disjointedly separated myself from my phone from where the text came from. I wandered to the kitchen and attempted to reattach myself with my world of hope, my family, by preparing the planned meal for dinner. Again the invisible waves of despair rippled through my heart and I hid the tears behind the chopping of tasty purple onions.
Literally I felt my heart grasping, reaching for hope. Despair was throwing an unfavorable "off balance" to my usually happy, loving life. So I reached once again for my phone, wishing to witness letters, words of hope from the spark of a person I once knew. None. And the tears welled as my thumb routinely searched messages from texts, to emails...searching for someone I could fight for, that still had hope, that would re-energize my hope.....None.
As I lay down my now dull phone, face down as if to seal the fate of his chosen words...my phone vibrated.....through very thick tears that refused to dislodge I read a message of hope. A message of faith in me. Not from my old friend. But from an unknown. As I read this very brief message, my lips began to quiver, like my Mom's always did when her deepest of feelings were affected.
In essence this message relayed a group of people's faith in my efforts for GTOC's women. Beyond any communications, they have decifered my daily struggle to try to do enough. They have read between the lines I actually share and suffered my empathies along with me. In sending this one small email, this group renewed my life balance....I opened my arms and hugged my son...my son that can and has been easily trapped in the sufferings of others. I chose him because he also can feel, as I do, the joy of others and I share my hope, my love of life...the understanding of the balance of life with him so that one day when I am not here to even this balance, he will understand and feel the effects of now.....then.
In my son's eyes, I saw hope and love of life once again reflected.
LIFE HAS BALANCE.
Sometimes, it is thrown off balance and we cannot affect that balance alone. It takes some one else's belief and love in life shared with us to affect our balance.
My message was sent from half way around the world. Our world is delicately balanced on love of life.. Today you have the choice as to which way the balance will lean. Choose. Share. Believe. Love Life enough to affect the balance.
My own LOVE OF LIFE, HOPE AND FAITH now firmly balanced within my world....I place within the hands of my old friend a spark. I freely release one of my own and trust him to hold it. Care for it. For one day, in his deepest darkest moment he will open his fist, release this spark and follow it to his own personal HAPPINESS IN HIS LOVE OF LIFE. V xo
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