Tuesday, June 5, 2012

GTOC Blog #21 I Guess This is an Update June 5 2012

I have been disillusioned....  My vision for GTOC was to help women, like me....by empowering them with knowledge of opportunities available.  Guiding them through their efforts within these opportunities and celebrating their successes.

I have not posted any  real updates of late except for small landscaping changes to Little Theresa's House, because I have been so preoccupied with an attempt to help one woman attain her dream.  Only to find out, she wanted me to attain her dream for her,...then simply hand it over to her.  I simply don't think there is that much useage of me to go around.

In anger I take a step of retreat.   No not retreat....re evaluation.....and ...I question my vision.

As I question my vision, I am attacked.  I am attacked by past abusive partners.  I am attacked by unknown assailants.  Both grouped in a barrage that does not compare to my own upon myself....  If I cannot defend my own wellbeing, how do I encourage other women to create a wellbeing of their own.  Again, I not only question my vision, I question my ability to accomplish. 

My heart is with my Mother, thousands of miles away...her adventures an inspiration to me.....it is today that I chat with my most trusted of authorities. It was this morning, I asked my God, my Saints, my Angels and my dearest Father for guidance.....focus.....strength to maintain.

The answer, was within my beautiful son, Conor.  Without divulging his struggles because of his father, his resulting feelings of worthlessness and his struggles to reclaim his love of life....my son sat with me today and talked.

He talked of little that proclaimed mountains....Mountains that loomed over me....and with the love of a Mom I told him...."use my experiences, my knowledge to empower your actions.....question me....formulate your truths.....then do"
I don't have the answers.
Life is unfair.
Decide where you stand.
Your strength in actions define you.
If you fail, learn & do it again...only differently......just never stop.

Funny how my 17 year old son retaught me  great life lessons today.

So.....you who would use me.....here are my guidelines...take it or someone of worth will in your place...and you who would attack me.....I wish you a more gratifying life with less hatred and jealousy.....somewhere else.....

My vision remains steadfast.

Thank you to my God, my Saints, my Angels, my Father for sending my Son to me today with the answers to all my questions.

Hehehehe.....here we go people!   BOYYYYYAAAAAA!!!!!......Round 2  !!.........V

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