Day one......Eight, almost Nine years ago now as I drove in my car shaking from the realization that I was now for the first time in my entire life on my own and with four children, no income, no potential career and no safe place for my children to live, I wish I had subconsciously imbedded this sentence in my brain. For I had my judgmental opinion of divorced Mom's at that time, just like most others who had no personal life experience to base an opinion on.
I stopped counting the days since, probably around Day Two. However the sensitive subject this sentence refers to has to this date not resolved. So as of today, let me set this straight for myself and for all women:
1. Just because We are over 40, single with kids....we are not desperate for a date.
2. We don't need a man to make ourselves or our families feel complete.
3. We don't hate any men.
4. We are not a lesbians because we won't date and because we prefer to share each other's positive mentality.
5. If We tell you we don't date, it is..... now I know this is difficult for some......because We don't date.
6. We are full blown, romantically inclined business women AND moms with little time left for ourselves never mind another person in our lives.
7. We are beautiful AND We are intelligent.
8. If We tell you we don't date and we still go to dinner with you, it is because we are treating you like a quality friend worth our time. Make note that We volunteered to pay next time like friends do.
9. If you are pretending to "give us a job" or "interest in our events" or "interest in our children" just to get a date...please with all your intelligence you can put together in your brains ... refer to line 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, oh and perhaps in humility....repeat "9"
Best of all is "10" . It may take us awhile to rebuild ourselves after a bad marriage/relationship, however we are outstandingly remarkable. We have endured, survived and accomplished ! ...yet still we smile, still we love life & damn it all still we are being nice to you after our faith in all humanity has been severely tested!!! We are not damaged, we are the survivors...with kids!!! and we have struggled ... YES! It's not easy juggling $300 a month to pay, babysitters, mortgage/rent, hydro, heat, phone (because you must be texted on your schedule) and food....plus all the extras like car, gas, clothing,...etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc,....
So I read the beginning of this blog to my daughter. I asked her "is it a little bit light hearted or too critical"....her response was " it is light hearted to those who GET what you are talking about"...."it is critical to those who keep bugging you and just don't get it!
I have no issue with claiming ownership to all the bad decisions about staying with my ex before children. And definitely to staying with him after they began to arrive. I take total ownership for my bad decisions. They are mine and I know why I did what I did. I also claim ownership for allowing manipulation and abuse to continue in my life. My bad decision, even though I know why. I also claim total ownership for the decision to improve our quality of life, and I take total ownership for giving my ex too many chances to also enjoy our improved quality of life.
I also take total ownership for repeating my errors in judgement and choosing toxic relationships with men similar to my ex.
What I do understand is that I am a strong woman. And I am a nice woman. And I am beautiful. And I am intelligent....am I vain?....no....I can say the same for every woman I have met with similar circumstances in the past 8 almost 9 years. In fact, I feel humbled by those women. Their strength, character, beauty & intelligence inspires me to achieve and become more.
So like so many other women, I also take total ownership when I say "I am that girl who loves to sit back and drink a beer while we watch the playoffs and scream for our teams....I am also that girl who will secretly high five you when you put together the nerve to ask that beautiful woman out on a date...and .I probably didn't tell you that I met her in the washroom and told her what a wonderful person you were!! I am also that girl who works day and night to make ends meet and cuddles with her kids most nights to make sure they are okay in this world then lies awake worrying all night figuring out how to make it okay for them again tomorrow.
So let's me clear on one very thing in particular;
I have not given up on Romance, when I see "the one" I'll definitely let them know. Live is Short, why dilly dally when we have the God Given talent to communicate? It is then I will decide, if they treat me like a good woman, then they are good enough for me.
Unless I have told you differently please note, if you don't "get this" you might never. If you do, "Hey!!! I hear there is a game on Saturday, I'll spring for the beer if you'll spring for the tickets" V xo