Sunday, October 21, 2012

GTOC Blog #26 Dating vs Friendship

I have interviewed and simply chatted with many women since the beginning concepts of GTOC.  One of the "issues" that continue to reach the "ahhhhhh ya" stage, is the issue of men's reactions to them.

I will give you an example.....upon not complying with one of their wishes "to date them"  I have been called...."damaged goods", "a lesbian", "a man hater" and just this week "bitter".  I have only two thoughts:

1.  do I only attract insecure men that need to dish out "anti compliments" when I clearly am not interested in them?
2.  do I really want to date someone that can attempt to apply manipulation before they even attempt to discover who I am.  Could you imagine what horrors they would attempt AFTER discovering my strengths and weaknesses.???

The women I interviewed all told me the same stories:

1.  Because they were over 40 with kids, they were expected to be desperate for anybody.  (ie:  A "caring" person offered me to date her senior uncle because he had a new truck....I think this qualified as his dowery)
2.  Because they had been in a woman's shelter, they were labelled "a head case". (ie:  boyfriend screaming red faced in a public parking lot at me because I refused to engage at his level.  Been there, done that & above that must thusly qualify as "a head case to find escape from antagonism".)
3.  The offers from men to "rescue" them from their situation.  Who actually tracks a woman knowing she is struggling just to survive, simply to offer your version of rescue before simply discovering if they even want to be rescued, or are even compatible?  (ie:  I am 38 I was approached by my "then boss" to be rescued via marriage and to help raise my kids. There was no mutual compatibility even on a friendship level and his wife might have had an issue with the entire proposal!!)
3.  Men offering women employment hoping to get "attention" from them they could not hope to achieve at a dating level.  (women trying to achieve in life are applying for a multitude of positions every day.  YES they are going to give attention to a potential employer, just like any man would competing for the same pitiful the man that needs to offer "needed employment" to a woman just to gain her attention)
4.  Okay so let's address the "bitter" comment.  :)   My kids and I were all reading this "gentlemans" comments as they came across in messages and the encompassing laughter is worthy of explanation.  So let me address in the remainder of this blog the story of why so very many insecure men "mis-label" we older, experienced in life women.

Bringing forward the past, I don't even hate my ex.  How could I allow hatred to wither my heart?  I have the most beautiful gifts any man could give his woman.  Children.  Where these children originate from is insignificant, their arrival and acceptance into family is in it's entirety the purest definition of LOVE.  I have endured, rape, physical, mental and emotional abuse and yet I don't hate.  I have a heart entirely filled with the love of the most enduringly beautiful creatures my imagination could fathom. My children.

 I recognize my greatest weakness and struggle is "how to be my nice personality I respect and still maintain a life I can be proud of without being taken advantage of.  If you remember the rampant feminist movement of burning bras and disrespecting men as a whole then you remember that bitch of a boss that either slept her way to the top or bitched her way to the top.  I would never have respected myself as either.  The solution took me a few years of learning my strengths to acknowledge.  I am nice.....and I maintain my honesty.  For this I can be proud! and as this, I will succeed.

Let's return to the "bitter" label, and let's include all the other labels I have endured and have come to discover that every insecure man attempting to manipulate a woman has attempted to impose upon a woman.  This specific individual (for we shall not call him a descriptive word like "gentleman") was told at the offset.  "I don't date.  I have tried it and I choose not to date. I do however make an amazing friend.  I love beer, I love baseball, foot ball...being one of the boys." I was honest.

Once receiving this information, he graciously "accepted" with an "okay so friends"....then as the friendship continued ...offered a position of employment. Of course it was a lovely proposal, otherwise why offer it?   Was it accepted under desparation ?  No.  Out of joy of life!! Yes...Absolutely.   Once this individual accepted the "friendship status" I of course believed him, having been quite honest with him, I gave him the respect of integrity.

Within a short time frame the communications became stressed once again with inuendos of  dating.  Again I assured him, "friendship only"...."integrity only"...."respect only".....and the offer of employment stagnated.  It was at this point that I withdrew my acceptance to employment recognizing the "alterior motives" of the individual. ... and as such was called "bitter". 

With my children at my side, I considered the concept.  "was I bitter?"  Laughter ensued and it became a joke.  Have you ever experienced my love of children and how it occupies my every second of being?,  Have you watched as I skip through the leaves and throw them into the air so that their flight influences my very own?, Have you Listened as I described my inspirations within GTOC, within my Children's stories?  Shall I speak for you here?  No!!  Should you have taken the time to work your way to friendship, a real friendship, not a friendship with an agenda, you would have experienced, watched and listened to these integral parts of my being and enjoyed them with me.  For I have desired to be transparent throughout all.  No hidden agendas.  Simply transparent in my love of  all life. 

As an experienced in life, 40 something woman....I thank my very god for my every second of being with my children, my passion for aiding women and my creativity inspired by children.  Those who are true, understand my love of life and how I wish to share it with all that I encounter.  How I tried to share it with that specific person and was rejected by insecurities in his own life.

So I don't post negative blogs.  I believe in the need for positive reinforcement for all people and their issues.  I detail these issues because women need to know, they are not less of a person for recognizing and personifying honesty in their lives. In actual fact women, you are a part of the strength of the positive advancement of mankind.   I also recognize our intelligence, our integrity and our knowledge of what we want out of life.  If a specified person does not fit that picture, even though given to them without judgement our friendship, our honesty, our integrity and  respect of  person and should you feel the need to label us based upon your insecurities,  please feel free to exit left of stage and continue to walk away.  You do not deserve the gentleman's integrity we have bestowed upon you.

Both Women and Men are creatures of the greatest of beauty.  What you do with your beauty is your gift upon others.  I was told this week that I am beautiful and it is my curse.  Well I allow that individual this,  I am are you.  What have you done with your gift to benefit others?  I smiled today, I invited others to join in my meal that had not to eat, I gave of my miniscual financial well being to assist another beautiful being, I allowed you this time upon my own to convey a message of hope to your insecure being.  You are beautiful.  Act it, be it, share it.  For it is only a curse if you hold it unto your own and do not benefit others in your very being. 

Now to the gentleman in our lives.  Continue to be who you respectfully are.  You give us hope.  You make us feel intelligent and alive.  We are your greatest friends for we have known and lived the alternative.  Yes we have "life experience" and by being our friends and allowing us to be perhaps "that girl" we can share a six pack with while we enjoy a football game....we together have created a friendship to be envied by all others.  A friendship that outlasts the hands of time.  Something absolutely beautiful....  V xo

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