Friday, November 2, 2012

Blog #27 Discovering Life Balance....

The life path I have chosen is not an easy one.   I revel in this.  Most likely I'd be bored if I had chosen an easy life path...if there is such a thing.

One expression I have always lived by is "do everything in moderation"  For example: Too much singularly healthy living can't be all good.  If we wash our hands every 2 seconds, how will our bodies learn to fight germs?  Eventually some type of germ will slip through along the most sincere of avenues....and we only hope our bodies are tough enough to protect our overall well being.   

Really, I have yet to observe a Mexican not drink Mexican water or check their vegetables to verify they were washed in bottled water, or ice cube for evidence of cleanliness.  My ex however felt his being to be drunkingly superior and became the closest of messy buddies with Mr. Montazuma himself, and danced the unwaivering Montazuma waltz with this newest and dearest companion, while on our honeymoon.

The two don't identically correlate however, the image emerged and must be shared!!

This evening I received a "I give up on love of  life" message from one of my dearest old friends.  He once was the most romantic,  gentlemen...with a twinkle in his eye, none in this world could ignore.  Knowing he has tried for an abundance of years to maintain a romance in his marriage, I know it is the failure of these attempts with a woman who has allowed hatred and fear to over rule her every movement that has resigned his very being to failure in love of life. Every part of me wants to fight for them.  Together or apart, love of life is worth fighting for.....even when all else seems lost. 


I cannot however, fight a fight for someone else.  This is their fight.  Upon receiving his text this evening, I began to sink into despair alongside him.  I empathically do this whether it is a friend I have just met or a friend I have held close to my heart all my years.  I do this upon my first introduction to every Aspiring Woman's shared story and I do this with my beautiful and most dearest friends, I hold so close to my heart....This is my life I have chosen,'s not an easy one.

With a tear in my eye, I disjointedly separated myself from my phone from where the text came from.  I wandered to the kitchen and attempted to reattach myself with my world of hope, my family, by preparing the planned meal for dinner.  Again the invisible waves of despair rippled through my heart and I hid the tears behind the chopping of tasty purple onions.

Literally I felt my heart grasping, reaching for hope.  Despair was throwing an unfavorable "off balance" to my usually happy, loving life.  So I reached once again for my phone, wishing to witness letters, words of hope from the spark of a person I once knew.  None.  And the tears welled as my thumb routinely searched messages from texts, to emails...searching for someone I could fight for, that still had hope, that would re-energize my hope.....None.

As I lay down my now dull phone, face down as if to seal  the fate of his chosen phone vibrated.....through very thick tears that refused to dislodge I read a message of hope.  A message of faith in me.  Not from my old friend.  But from an unknown.  As I read this very brief message, my lips began to quiver, like my Mom's always did when her deepest of feelings were affected. 

In essence this message relayed a group of people's faith in my efforts for GTOC's women.  Beyond any communications, they have decifered my daily struggle to try to do enough.  They have read between the lines I actually share and suffered my empathies along with me.  In sending this one small email, this group renewed my life balance....I opened my arms and hugged my son that can and has been easily trapped in the sufferings of others.  I chose him because he also can feel, as I do, the joy of others and I share my hope, my love of life...the understanding of the balance of life with him so that one day when I am not here to even this balance, he will understand and feel the effects of now.....then.

In my son's eyes, I saw hope and love of life once again reflected. 


Sometimes, it is thrown off balance and we cannot affect that balance alone.  It takes some one else's belief and love in life shared with us to affect our balance.

My message was sent from half way around the world.  Our world is delicately balanced on love of life..  Today you have the choice as to which way the balance will lean.  Choose.  Share.  Believe. Love Life enough to affect the balance.

My own LOVE OF LIFE, HOPE AND FAITH now firmly balanced within my world....I place within the hands of my old friend a spark.  I freely release one of my own and trust him to hold it.  Care for it.  For one day, in his deepest darkest moment he will open his fist, release this spark and follow it to his own personal HAPPINESS IN HIS LOVE OF LIFE.     V xo

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