The concept, the visual, the words...declared war on my belief in my world. I have seen and endured torment...this, this was unfathomable to my soul, my heart, my mind. My children gathered and hugged me close knowing I was incapable of responding. I could not comfort their fears when I could not defend my psyche from the indescribable assault placed upon the suffering of the innocents, both children and parents.
Following an evening of awaking to vivid dreams of screams, of tormented voices....I awoke prepared to separate those visions of suffering from my mind, from my heart...from my soul. After all, I am a Mom. I must function happily as such to achieve the positive safety my children look to me for.....yet each time I turned on my phone, the FB posting of all the children's & teacher's names popped onto my main screen. The reminder of a tragedy that would not be dismissed....I closed my phone...later I will address this properly, I told myself.
As Father Whalen began his homily, I wondered if he would address this tragedy. Give guidance. I couldn't be the only one looking for clarity, for comfort, for direction on how to address this.
In the beginning his words reflected on community issues I very much believe in and show it through my efforts everyday....if you have two coats, share one. If you have food and another doesn't ,..share it. Work honestly, don't cheat your customers/clients. Ethics and Moralities. I was drawn to this. My mind searched for something to address where I could affect positive affirmation.
Then he did address the issue, and my mind enveloped his words as he also described it as "A Suffering of the Innocents"....my children drew in close to me while he talked....and I remembered that one of my children was missing from my side...normally so vigilant in his attendance with me to mass, knowing it's greatest importance to my happiness. I felt tears rise again....and anger...there is no consolation to be given to those parents. In a time of jubilant celebrations....they had lost their joy....as our international community were struggling to achieve ourselves. "No", I repeated once again. There was nothing I could possibly do to alleviate the sadness and anger of the parents of Sandy Hook....and as the tears welled in my eyes again, I heard Fr Whalen say.....yes there was a personality disorder that affected the individual who did this horrendous assault, but that still does not excuse the evil that directed him to do what he had done. We all have a choice he said....even the individuals with a "personality disorder" have a choice....that person chose "Evil"...
My mind raced ... I have been affected by and endured many "Evil" decisions and made excuses for them all with words like, "chemical imbalance", "addictions", "insecurities". By Fr. Whalen's labeling the decision of this person as "Evil" I have come to terms with a great many tragedy's in my life, in my children's life. Why? Although I would never conceivably fathom the grief of parents of these innocent children and the Evil done to them,....I did and continue to fight the "Evil" done to myself and my children in our lives. As such, I have been given the tool required to fight the Evil in our lives.....Live with the greatest of Goodness that you can....Share, show your love not only to those easy to receive it, but also to those who would spit it back at you. Ensure your children know and feel your love. Ensure everyone in your community feels wanted as a member. Yes, most of us have several coats, share one....most of us have full pantry's....share some.
The best and most enduring weapon against evil....is LOVE. Not just today. Everyday. Make LOVE a part of your life. Feel LOVE's rewards in your mind, your heart & your soul...and it will multiply. God has given us the greatest of weapons. Whether you believe in One God or not....the weapon is there for you to utilize with compassion....to combat hate. LOVE.
In our beautiful world, there are hundreds of thousands of evil assaults everyday. Our international communication via internet and television have amplified our knowledge in the proof of these indescribable horrors. Yet I have witnessed a focused positively beautiful goal within our International Community to eradicate hate, injustice, evil with the tool of Compassionate Love.
I am turning off my computer tonight, to join my children with an annual tradition of watching "Jingle All the Way" with Arnold Swarzenegger because I laugh so hard I almost pee my pants.....and it is infectious.....my children look forward to the family bouts of uncontrollable laughter. Unlike the grieving parents of Sandy Hook which will forever hold a place in my heart and soul...I have been gifted with an overwhelming Weapon of LOVE, which I hold for all my children...(even when they "skip" mass) and I have been gifted with another evening, another opportunity to express my LOVE for them through compassion and laughter as and entire family....as one. We triumph over evil always, as forever we will express this LOVE for our children and together as a Community through all our times of rejoicing and of grieving...for we do both in the name of LOVE.
God Bless the Innocents. V xo