As I picked up my Sissy this evening downtown, I realized I was late. The door was locked to the building she was supposed to be in and it seemed as though the lights were out inside. I turned to see where she might be. I had feared that she would be standing alone in the dark outside the building. Then my fears rose as I noticed a pub across the street we had visited once prior and my heart sank deep into my stomach as I pictured my beautiful tiny daughter passing by the unsavory characters hanging around outside the pub who had now turned their attention to me assuredly noticing my changes in demeanor from worry to fear. I stood taller. I walked in firm strides passing by the characters that were now watching my every movement. I entered the pub. As every eye turned to the entrance door my heart slipped lower, my beautiful Sissy was no where to be found. Strength entered my eyes...challenge me it said....I will find my daughter...as I exited the pub, the characters were now standing very close...watching. Head strong, shoulders wide, steps strong my mind told me to head for my vehicle, my senses listened for the sound of steps following behind. Without turning I already knew, for my senses were heightened. They were watching but they were not following.
I did find my Sissy, safe and sound inside the building where she was supposed to be. As I looked over to the characters I saw them now with indifferent eyes. Just people having a cigarette outside a pub, probably wondering what the commotion was about. Whether or not they were unsavory, situation dictated protection of my own. My response was animalistic. So I can safely assure you, even I who see artistic beauty in the knarl of a tree, the vein of a leaf...can become visually judgmental, before I even have the pleasure of shaking your hand.
Tonight, my artistic eyes assessed the person who's hand I reached to shake. Within moments she was gone. Only to return to meet with me as arranged. In my position, I meet with a lot of women. First meetings are always very difficult for me. First meetings are experience release occasions. As such I must release my life experiences so that the person I am reaching out to, understands that nothing they can say of their life experiences could possibly be considered inappropriate to the discussion. I have been doing this process and refining it for some time. Releasing heals me. Releasing is the beginning process of their healing. I am empathic and I absorb the images, the hurt in their eyes, their described experiences.
I kept watching and assessing this beautiful human being across from me this evening. The intelligence in her eyes, the aristocratic curve of her cheek bones, the strength in her hands, the spirit in her eyes. Here across from me were stories being revealed, some for the first time, of unmentionable horrors that had been occurring the majority of her adult life. That had been locked into her subconscious because survival dictated they must be locked away. First slow flashes of experience...then more and then into abundance as they began to emerge, to release, to overlap in their need to be released, to be understood.
As the story exchange progressed, I interjected hope, positive reinforcement of her actions to survive. Her subconscious knows this already, it too however requires affirmation of it's belief, of it's knowledge. Her body language portrays a nervous lowly subjectiveness. Her spirited eyes straighten and strengthen her spine with each affirmation of her worth not only to herself, but to those who love her....the rebuilding process is already underway. Her sibling has brought her forward with the love of a mother. She also attends this first meeting with the strength of a mother bear protecting her cubs. This is love. There is the greatest of beauty in this love.
Moments turned into hours. I am captivated by the human spirit within this tortured soul. I am held in the horrors of her life experiences. I feel each blow. I sink with her despair.
Yet at the end of our meeting, agreeing to meet again very shortly,...she stands taller. Smiles rise her cheek bones and the spirit in her eyes flash with renewed vigor of life, of beauty. It is my gift from God to witness the renewal and strengthening of spirit within her beauty.
On my journey home, tears tighten my throat. While I am immensely inspired by the strength of spirit in this beautiful woman even after enduring a life of indespicable horrors, I cannot understand. My mind, my heart and my soul cannot decifer the inclination of any one person to inflict such eternal pains on another. For yes, her life will be a lifetime of healing.
My mind wanders. I begin the search for a positive injection to prevent the empathic injuries from harming my heart. Once again I rely on my witnessing of the perfect husband, the perfect father, the perfect friend. I review this person's love of his family to endure what he can to keep it together, to keep it safe. I return here often to reinforce my belief that there are wonderfully good men. Tonight I am humbled that God would see me as worthy to release me and my beautiful babies from a life of unimaginable degredation in a manner suited to my capabilities and has enabled me to reach out to other women so that they too will feel the love and freedom of love that I know experience in every moment of my day....and yet I also stifle a gasp. My heart aches of course to return home to that husband, father & friend that alludes me in my life. Visually I experience his "glad you are home" kiss as I enter our home.
Then, I recall all the times I have listened to my friend's wife degredate and discount his efforts for his family. So sad. What some of us have given up simply for a glimpse of, others throw away in disgust. This issue we fight doesn't only happen to women. Good Women. It happens often to men. Good Men.
So this evening. Reach out to your husband, Reach out to your wife. A simple "I love you", A simple "thank you" affirms their daily efforts. We all have the ability, the strength to inject positive affirmation of their worth to us, and to all those they strive to affect in their daily lives. With a loving artistic soul, see your partner's Spirit within their True Beauty. V xo