As I walked smiling across the parking lot today, I thought Oh yeah, I am beautiful!!! "I am all that and a bag of chips".....and so are you...and you....and you too!!
I absolutely LOVE grocery shopping!! Having come from a world where I had to find breakfast, lunch & dinner for 5 for less than $5.00 a day....groceries in the cupboard are like gold.
When the monsters were young, we would all go grocery shopping together. Me with my little list...always a baby in the front of the cart....I would direct each of the kids....you...bread....you milk....you....oatmeal.....replicating a strategically planned army maneuver....we were a show to behold. When most mothers were going crazy with one screaming baby....we would sing and dance down the aisles.
Today, I usually have one or another of the monsters with me,...carrying the hand basket. Standing quietly by my side as I sing and dance to the grocery store music, sometimes.....just for a moment....they join in. For we go everyday to the grocery store. Of course some days I go alone.......I get more than a few curious stares as I sing and dance down the aisles.
I don't care.
In fact....sometimes after a particularly tired and grumpy shopper watches me so very enjoying grocery shopping, I will spy them with a little more bounce in their step a few minutes later when they forget someone might be looking!!
I LOVE the saying "dance like no one is watching"....Having been so shy my entire life that I have avoided much attention. Now I look into people's eyes, I smile, they smile.....I don't care who they are, what they look like, the grumpier and nastier the better!!
If you are given a second chance to love your life. Do it. I am told I am that bird who for the first time flew free from her cage. So don't tiptoe into freedom. Fly!!! Soar!!! Every second is exhilarating!!!
There are difficult days. However, on those days I tuck myself in. With a little secret smile, I know it won't last. Sadness cannot last in my life. It is a part of me but not who I am. Today when a dear friend talked of her grandmother perhaps in her last days, I relived those last moments with my own father. I tucked a big cozy sweater around myself and could still feel his hugs. I cried. Just a little. Because my Dad loved to laugh. I hugged my dear friend. Hugs give strength. My Dad still is the definition of strength.
Strength in Love is learning when to define. Another woman I would have loved to create a dear friendship with, abandoned her person. Again, I tucked myself in. It hurts of course. But defining boundaries is also a strength. To accomplish this and to still communicate Love of person, is strength. I'd be lying if I didn't reveal that I cried again as I hugged myself. For in order to love others,...you have to love yourself.
So then, twice having cried today....why did I walk from the grocery story, smiling a secret smile,....a skip in my step....look to the blue sunny sky and tell myself...."You are Beautiful!!!"....and that woman in the red toque "She is Beautiful!!"....and the grey haired haggard old man I smiled at ..."He is beautiful....even though he did not smile back!!!" .... Because in the grocery store, I always go to....I didn't sing....I didn't dance....I politely stood in line, sad, tired....just wanting to be home, alone and sad. Often, life takes chunks out of you and sometimes we are not given the breather to heal...fill them in between another barrage of chunks in the form of sadness ripping away more.
Then the cashier, I almost never go to, smiled. Said she was happy to see me, said she doesn't seem to be working during the hours I am there...She was beautifully lovely!!! Somewhere, somehow I had made enough of a difference in her life, that she stepped out of her quiet demeanor and made me feel welcomed, remembered.....loved. This my old friend Andy....is Karma. Yes Victoria there is Karma!! It exists!!!
And immediately like a flower in full bloom, I beamed smiles right back at her!!! Yes, there is sadness, it happens. But I choose happiness, love, freedom!!
My life is exhilarating!
The feel of my June Bug's silky fur between my fingers;
The squeeze of baby hands as I get my morning hugs, every morning from Baby Gaby;
The kisses and "I love you's" my Cassie gives me every night even when I am already asleep;
The strength I feel in my Conor's hugs before he leaves for school, everyday;
And the mornings cuddled in the sunshine with our coffee mugs with Sissy Wissy......
All these moments rush back to me.....I feel loved.....
So with a skip and a tune.....I look up to the blue sky....."I feel beautiful!!!....I really am all that and a bag of chips"!!!!.....said with some swagger"
And as I bring my eyes back to the parking lot,....the woman with the red toque reflects my smile "You are beautiful! it says"....
And the old grey hair haggard man who won't remember my smile till the days activities flash before his eyes as he flutters off to a well deserved sleep tonight...."You too are beautiful....and all that and a bag of chips!!!!!"
Life is exhilarating!!!....Karma....Kismit...What goes around Comes around....the Universe sends back to you what you project to it........Choose your moments to celebrate Life everyday!!!
....and Life will tell you when it is Celebrating You in return!!! V xo
No comments:
Post a Comment