GTOC Blog #46 Embrace/Control Your Change.

As we head from summer into the fall season we realize that change is inevitable.  Whether or not you want it or need it, you will get it.  We are humanity and we are the fortunate.  We can embrace change or deny it.  Change will still happen.

Almost all evenings since I first have been on my own, I have awoken at 2 or 3 am.  Some nights I go back to sleep, however most evenings I lay listening to the sounds of this old creaky house, of the city around me and the worried voices inside of me.

This house creaks ALOT.  In fact I can tell where each able bodied individual (pet or child) is located within the house and pretty much what they are doing.

The city, so different from the country, is actually quieter by 2 - 3 am.  (a few crickets not a chorus, and no coyotes, only the odd barking dog on prowler night) Some mornings I hear the rush of the mighty Moira River.  Other mornings my heart beats in rhythm with the chugging multitude of trains a km or 2 away down the ravine and across the mighty Moira.  Most often though, like this morning, silence.  I keep a battery powered clock in every room and I can hear them click out of time.  Almost as a tune from one end of the house to the other.  They let me know that no matter how much I worry, time keeps going, change keeps happening.

It is actually  "unimaginatably"  stressful to induce change.  Not simply follow an undeniable change, but induce it.  When you sit back and view your life and you recognize it is not following the path you envisioned, it is probably time to consider inducing change.

If we have the luxury of time & effort & (key word) patience we can plan how we will affect change within our life path.  From the smallest realignment to the leap of faith.  Planning is the intelligent choice.  But not all of us have this luxury.

For an easy 10 years before my ex-husband abandoned myself and the children, I lay in bed praying for someone, anyone, God, to help me to induce change.  Yet as I awoke each morning to my reality, I actualized my life, not the change it required of me.  Until one day, something inside of me said "no".  Something inside of me said "never again".  Something inside of me said "do or die".

It took my most trusted person in the world, My Mom, to verbalize my need to stand.  To induce change.

I had endured so much for so many years that the guilt behind this decision haunts me to this day.  Until I remind myself, I am not the only one who made choices.  I never made him go.  He chose to go.  I never made him abandon his family.  He chose to abandon his family.  And because of my choice to stand for me and for my children, and because of his choice to abandon his responsibilities, life has been hard.  Change.

There is however, nothing and let me repeat ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that would ever induce the change that would ever allow my life to repeat or relive the easy 10 years of fear, loathing, etc etc.  I'll take that hard life the children and I have endured again and again.

This was never "in the plan".  I take responsibility for the choices I made that put myself and my children into the situation where do or die change had to be achieved.

The rollercoaster of experiences in life, family, financing, employment, education, health have been ALL from my decision to stand and induce change.

So as I head back to bed to recapture lost sleep, (because contrary to my personal belief, I am getting old, I am not super human),  I recognize that I am most fortunate.  My children absolutely adore me and I them.  We are learning new life experiences together ever day.  Most days, they are my teachers.  Through communication of my experiences I can affect positive change in the daily influx of beautiful people looking, searching for the answer on how they can induce change in their own lives.

When we yearn for change, the most difficult task is to identify, not what is wrong, but how we can make it right.  For most people this is where I come in.  I have reached a point in my life that I simply love people.  I especially love the courage within people to say "there needs to be change in my life, help me"....my Mom helped me to identify what exactly was wrong and how I could make it right. 

It never fails.  Change is going to happen.  Your life path will attempt to keep adjusting itself without you and cause you increased stress and worry, until you stand, grab the reins and take control.  This is what I do.

Everyone has their special talent.  This, my friends is mine.  I help you to identify and define where changes need to be made.  Then together we create a new path with you in control.  I simply show you how you can accomplish where change is taking you.  And I believe in you.

This is where you meet your world.  The world you created around you.  And you smile, because you know, you feel, you believe, in you, in your life path.  It may get hard.  That's okay too.  I won't give up on you, and you won't give up on you.  Your journey is success, change is your success and success is your journey.  Embrace/control your change.  V xo
ps.  Photo by the talented journalist Gail Paquette

GTOC Blog #45 Taking Back Control

This morning I woke up for the first time in days, not at 2 or 3 am, but at my scheduled 6 am.  For three days now my body has been fighting the effects of some food I have eaten and during that process I am entirely exhausted.  Even my brain cannot function at the level required to move forward in my life.  In fact while to others it seemed as though I was still progressing, in my view, I was barely existing.  Barely maintaining.  What a time for this to happen?!?! 

Since the beginning of this year it seems as though the reactory struggle just to maintain was the best I could achieve.  So not me.  In fact I had laxed into a state of allowing others to label and micromanage me.  How the hell did I do that?  Little by little my brain had been fogged into a role quite unnatural to my being.  Without needing to address the details as to how and why, I actually cleared the "brain fog" a couple of weeks ago with one take back control message.

I was re energized into the actualization of the "real me" once again!  My heart, my brain, my body cleared and soared into a flurry of activity because I realized how lax I had become and there were going to be many side effects IF I was even able to unbury from the grave I had laid myself in.

My energy levels restored.  This was me!  I cleared the prescheduled agendas and laid out my plans.  Put my voice and passion into action undogged by circling negativity.  Oh how I had missed that part of me!!!  Slowly however my body pulled me back into a physical coma of inability to act and yesterday afternoon following of day of consistent reprecussions, I simply stopped moving. 

My fantastically energetic daughter Sissy, attempted to pull me from this coma like state with a million suggestions of fun, of which I dogged every single one and I laid there defeated by my own self not having a clue as to why....and then it hit me!  Is my life really so busy that I cannot pay a moments attention to my own well being???

I had consumed something 3 days prior that my body was sensitive to.  It could have been a cracker for heaven's sake.  So hard to keep track!  Blindsided within my flurry of activity, my body began fighting the effects and as such slowed and tired.  On one hand, it is good to know that my energy levels can handle 3 days of aggressive attack before it must rest.  On the other hand, I lost 3 days of top level productivity at a crucial time and I almost "dropped the ball".  Now THAT would have buried me.  My psych, my work & life ethic cannot conceive ever being the one to drop the ball!

Taking my own coaching advice that I freely hand to all others, I cut myself a break.  Sitting surrounded by my beautiful monsters I created my art.  If there was ever a selfish passion, this is mine.  Whether my art is good or not I feel my angels inspire my focus, my eyes, my hands while my  poor tired body healed.

This morning on my early walk with June Bug (something I had been neglecting for months),  we toured the Old East Hill of Belleville.  The beauty of everyone's care for their homes, their creativity inspired me to walk more.  Taking the time to appreciate peoples efforts and taking the time to appreciate my life.  How the heck did I allow myself to be micromanaged out of that one???  It is the essence of me!! 

These words entered my soul....."Take Back Control"

I will be ever more vigilant to the foods I consume so as not to be consistently blindsided,
I will take the time to appreciate the absolute beauty and love in my family, in the people & places I encounter,
I will focus on the work that makes my soul soar,
It really is not that difficult to take back control of your life.  Simply remember it is yours!  V xo

GTOC Blog #44 The "V" Concept on ASKING FOR HELP & getting it !!

I do believe that most of us knowing someone is in need, would champion their cause and find a way to help them.  I have to believe it is human nature to want to help others, even if we ourselves cannot solve the problem, we can rally together, ask others to help to the cause as well and at the very least help a little.  Maybe even enough that the assisted person feels thankful, hopeful and refreshed towards assisting themselves. 

Truly we all have down moments.  But what happens when those down moments magnify in a tidal wave of misfortune and every which way you turn to solve the issue, you are rejected or mislead?  False hope can eventually ruin the most positive of souls and those down moments become a rejected life.  Asking for help isn't even an option anymore because you don't believe anyone will help.  Life's opportunities no longer exist in your state of mind. 

Of late I have been encouraged as to changes within our Social Assistance system that do more than simply maintain  basic needs.  Something that wasn't there when I needed help.  I am so pleased to see it's beginnings, however what I want to see, what I believe our local community and global society requires is an amplified effort to put the opportunity of a truly higher education before those who are willing to work hard to achieve it.  I want to see those in our Social Assistance system go after those people who have lost hope because they do no know the opportunity is there.  They have been so demoralized that searching for hope in opportunity is a non existent thought.  Or it is for more fortunate others.  Someone needs to go after them.  Show them that they won't be rejected or mislead.  That hope and opportunity really do exist for those willing to work hard for it. 

Of course, if they are only being offered minimal education so that they can only achieve low wage or commissioned employment upon working hard to achieve the education, where is the hope and opportunity in that? 

On the flip side, how many movies have celebrated the underdog and their achievements to a greatness that so many of us take for granted?  And we all cheer them on!!!  The world loves the fighting spirit of the underdog.  No matter how many times they get kicked, they muster the will to come back.  In the movies we witness the world whittle their spirit away and the climax is that deciding moment when they ask for help in a last desperate attempt.  Then with that small opportunity of hope, against all the odds in their lives,  they gather all their strengths and achieve their greatness.  Some spark in them reignites into a  burning flame that cannot be extinguished! 

We leave the movie theater thinking "what a nice story, if only it could happen for me in my work, in my family, in my life".  But we don't ask for the opportunity of hope and change.  Our life circumstances win the battle and push the "nice movie thoughts and hopes" out of our minds.

It isn't simply the Socially Assisted  persons that require the opportunity of hope. 
How many of us have laid awake in bed at night knowing we deserve a better employment we have worked so hard for! 
Or the opportunity to take a real holiday some where we only see in the movies, just for once in our lives!  Or the hope to escape a toxic relationship we are trapped within?

We look at all these situations from the outside and we know how they can achieve their goals but are we willing to help them to see the answer?  If we understood that in all their struggles, they cannot any longer see the steps to hope & opportunity, then would you not care enough to try another way to help them, even if they don't verbally ask for it?

I have championed the cause to assist hundreds of women now, either alone or by rallying community and I don't always wait for them to ask for help, most often I simply show them a friendly smile and a hint of hope and that is the real beginnings of new opportunity for them, and then I follow through, every time.  Yet I have once to stand before my community and say, I am stuck...help me!  Of course my image is the eternally optimistic positive personality that absolutely and completely loves her life, why would I need help?  What could I possibly need help with? 

Truth be told, I have the amazing talent of helping others learn how to help themselves, but wouldn't begin to know how to do the same for myself. If I did not have children here to love and protect, I would not have become the eternally, optimistic, positive personality, I would have given up the struggle a long long time ago.
I absolutely love my life because I know deep in my heart where I would have been without my children.   And I know I am so very fortunate, that it is my life's responsibility to share my true fortune of hope & opportunity.  Then without asking, it is returned to me at the exact time I needed it the most.

Last eve, I got a call from one of my dearest of friends.  She was going through trials in her belief of right and wrong, of fairness in life and what she needed to hear was someone's belief in her was unwavering.  She never asks for help, like me she helps others, sometimes to her own detriment.  My belief in her is unwavering and she needed to hear that without ever asking to hear it. 

It's funny how the world works.   By the end of the conversation she had answered one of my most heart wrenching questions.  Without my asking, she gave me hope & opportunity to something I have yearned for since I was a small child.  Funny how the world works...

All of us deserve the right to our own version of greatness.  If we open up our eyes and our hearts we can hear the calls for help before they are asked.  Responding to these calls is part of our personal steps to our own greatness, individually or as a global community.  Our world needs exactly this, right now.  V xo

GTOC Blog #43 Is Failure a Negative or a Positive Word?

Working within the human industry, labels are generally have a very negative or positive influence on our lives.  The "Failure" Label can indicate to us that we are just not good enough.  Not a good enough parent, not a good enough spouse, not a good enough provider etc etc.  These thoughts have a very negative affect on how we see ourselves and how we believe others see us.

Most of us are very hard on ourselves and liberally self-impose the label of "Failure" yet when it comes to others, we understand that circumstances do happen and we not only tell them that we are proud of them for trying, we also tell them not to give up and to try again!!  HUH?!?!

In essence either we are lying (a negative word) & giving false (negative) hope or we have a super human power of bearing the cross for all mankind's failures so that no one should feel it's burden. (Ridiculous!)

I am not going to address our self depreciating tendencies.  Instead I am going to tell you "STOP IT !!!!"

What makes you think you are so much better than everyone else and super human and all that?!?!  You are not!!  We are equally amazing.  Because you tried.  Because I try.

So here is the thing.  What if you looked up the word "Failure" in the dictionary and it said "Your Name & go jump off a cliff because you are just not worth anything else?"  Would you???  NO!!

Instead you would fight back and say "BUT I TRIED MY BEST!!!"

At that exact moment the world sends you a message  "Learn from it & Then do it again!"

Now let's try an experiment.  Verbally, call yourself a "Failure".  What do you feel?
Then sit down and write a list of all the steps you took to reach your "Failed" goal.
There are probably a lot of successful steps in that list, right?
Write down "Successful" beside each item on the list that you achieved.

You have just mapped out what NOT to do next time and what TO DO next time.  You "LEARNED" NOW DO IT AGAIN.!!!

Thank goodness we are fallible, that we have failures.  Look how much we have learned from our Failures!!  We wouldn't know how to succeed if we didn't know the steps it took to fail.

I believe "Failure" is a positive word.  Because we tried to Succeed!!! 

Go take a moment.  Do the experiment.  Regroup and relabel your thoughts.  Learn & Do it again!!  V xo

GTOC Blog #42 - What is Your Greatest NEED, that you can never get enough of?

Each morning as I contemplate my life, sitting with my morning coffee in the sunshine with Missy Sissy, June Bug & Ry Cooder,  I ask myself life questions.  With all the transitional turmoils of the past few weeks, today's question resounded with the banging of a drum so loud I could not complete my usual meditation in love of life and appreciation within my soul.  This questioning drum beat on my early morning brain offensively gathering the fog of doubts in who I am, in what I am doing & how am I achieving my goals.

"WHAT IS MY GREATEST NEED!!!"



I thought my response would be MONEY!  But it wasn't.
I thought my response would be BOYFRIEND/HUSBAND/SECURITY!! But it wasn't that either.

When a very small, meek voice that held the strength of 4 decades of struggles, emerged...I need to help others.

Damn.....I really really thought it would be the need for money...

This internal realization put forth into the world is becoming an actualization I have been acting upon, sometimes highly criticized upon because without a clear cut through the fog, this subconscious need to help others most often occurred to my own detriment. 

And so, my internal voice screamed at me "YOU NEED TO HELP OTHERS"....
I am sure my neighbors, June Bug & Ry Cooder considered my need to be institutionalized as I screamed back, loud & clear.....

"HOW THE HELL CAN I HELP OTHERS WHEN I CANNOT EVEN HELP MYSELF???"

There are chores to be done,
Money to be made,
Kids to be fed,
Bills to be paid,
Responsibilities, Responsibilities, Responsibilities!

And I curled deeper into my housecoat and I peered over my now cold coffee cup and between the tree branches up to the newly lit blue sky, determined to hide from my external and internal self....tenaciously defiant.

Then I felt a hand on my shoulder and my Dad who whispers to me now and again spoke softly in his resoundingly deep voice to the corner of my brain where the reverberations of the drum had not quite deafened....."Your Greatest Need has ALWAYS been to help others and God gave you the Intelligence to do it Wisely"

Then Gabriel breathed a great sigh, deeply asleep from his bed, June Bug softly laid her head in my lap and licked my hand, and Ry Cooder stretched in his comfortable position and dug his claws into my legs ( he is a cat you know).

So I looked around me.  No one was here to help me yet I hadn't done so bad.

We still have a whole house as a safe haven for women & children at Risk.

We have not starved in over 9 years.
We still had a roof over our heads. 
We are healthy.
We love.

And my heart beat loud with love, but did not deafen my brain.
And my brain said, create an unconventionally creative plan.
Then work hard.
And have faith.
 "Because God gave you the Greatest of Loves and the Wisest of Intelligences to Fulfill Your Need to Help Others".

and so it begins anew......the unconventionally creative plan.....GTOC.