GTOC Blog #45 Taking Back Control

This morning I woke up for the first time in days, not at 2 or 3 am, but at my scheduled 6 am.  For three days now my body has been fighting the effects of some food I have eaten and during that process I am entirely exhausted.  Even my brain cannot function at the level required to move forward in my life.  In fact while to others it seemed as though I was still progressing, in my view, I was barely existing.  Barely maintaining.  What a time for this to happen?!?! 

Since the beginning of this year it seems as though the reactory struggle just to maintain was the best I could achieve.  So not me.  In fact I had laxed into a state of allowing others to label and micromanage me.  How the hell did I do that?  Little by little my brain had been fogged into a role quite unnatural to my being.  Without needing to address the details as to how and why, I actually cleared the "brain fog" a couple of weeks ago with one take back control message.

I was re energized into the actualization of the "real me" once again!  My heart, my brain, my body cleared and soared into a flurry of activity because I realized how lax I had become and there were going to be many side effects IF I was even able to unbury from the grave I had laid myself in.

My energy levels restored.  This was me!  I cleared the prescheduled agendas and laid out my plans.  Put my voice and passion into action undogged by circling negativity.  Oh how I had missed that part of me!!!  Slowly however my body pulled me back into a physical coma of inability to act and yesterday afternoon following of day of consistent reprecussions, I simply stopped moving. 

My fantastically energetic daughter Sissy, attempted to pull me from this coma like state with a million suggestions of fun, of which I dogged every single one and I laid there defeated by my own self not having a clue as to why....and then it hit me!  Is my life really so busy that I cannot pay a moments attention to my own well being???

I had consumed something 3 days prior that my body was sensitive to.  It could have been a cracker for heaven's sake.  So hard to keep track!  Blindsided within my flurry of activity, my body began fighting the effects and as such slowed and tired.  On one hand, it is good to know that my energy levels can handle 3 days of aggressive attack before it must rest.  On the other hand, I lost 3 days of top level productivity at a crucial time and I almost "dropped the ball".  Now THAT would have buried me.  My psych, my work & life ethic cannot conceive ever being the one to drop the ball!

Taking my own coaching advice that I freely hand to all others, I cut myself a break.  Sitting surrounded by my beautiful monsters I created my art.  If there was ever a selfish passion, this is mine.  Whether my art is good or not I feel my angels inspire my focus, my eyes, my hands while my  poor tired body healed.

This morning on my early walk with June Bug (something I had been neglecting for months),  we toured the Old East Hill of Belleville.  The beauty of everyone's care for their homes, their creativity inspired me to walk more.  Taking the time to appreciate peoples efforts and taking the time to appreciate my life.  How the heck did I allow myself to be micromanaged out of that one???  It is the essence of me!! 

These words entered my soul....."Take Back Control"

I will be ever more vigilant to the foods I consume so as not to be consistently blindsided,
I will take the time to appreciate the absolute beauty and love in my family, in the people & places I encounter,
I will focus on the work that makes my soul soar,
It really is not that difficult to take back control of your life.  Simply remember it is yours!  V xo