As we head from summer into the fall season we realize that change is inevitable. Whether or not you want it or need it, you will get it. We are humanity and we are the fortunate. We can embrace change or deny it. Change will still happen.
Almost all evenings since I first have been on my own, I have awoken at 2 or 3 am. Some nights I go back to sleep, however most evenings I lay listening to the sounds of this old creaky house, of the city around me and the worried voices inside of me.
This house creaks ALOT. In fact I can tell where each able bodied individual (pet or child) is located within the house and pretty much what they are doing.
The city, so different from the country, is actually quieter by 2 - 3 am. (a few crickets not a chorus, and no coyotes, only the odd barking dog on prowler night) Some mornings I hear the rush of the mighty Moira River. Other mornings my heart beats in rhythm with the chugging multitude of trains a km or 2 away down the ravine and across the mighty Moira. Most often though, like this morning, silence. I keep a battery powered clock in every room and I can hear them click out of time. Almost as a tune from one end of the house to the other. They let me know that no matter how much I worry, time keeps going, change keeps happening.
It is actually "unimaginatably" stressful to induce change. Not simply follow an undeniable change, but induce it. When you sit back and view your life and you recognize it is not following the path you envisioned, it is probably time to consider inducing change.
If we have the luxury of time & effort & (key word) patience we can plan how we will affect change within our life path. From the smallest realignment to the leap of faith. Planning is the intelligent choice. But not all of us have this luxury.
For an easy 10 years before my ex-husband abandoned myself and the children, I lay in bed praying for someone, anyone, God, to help me to induce change. Yet as I awoke each morning to my reality, I actualized my life, not the change it required of me. Until one day, something inside of me said "no". Something inside of me said "never again". Something inside of me said "do or die".
It took my most trusted person in the world, My Mom, to verbalize my need to stand. To induce change.
I had endured so much for so many years that the guilt behind this decision haunts me to this day. Until I remind myself, I am not the only one who made choices. I never made him go. He chose to go. I never made him abandon his family. He chose to abandon his family. And because of my choice to stand for me and for my children, and because of his choice to abandon his responsibilities, life has been hard. Change.
There is however, nothing and let me repeat ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that would ever induce the change that would ever allow my life to repeat or relive the easy 10 years of fear, loathing, etc etc. I'll take that hard life the children and I have endured again and again.
This was never "in the plan". I take responsibility for the choices I made that put myself and my children into the situation where do or die change had to be achieved.
The rollercoaster of experiences in life, family, financing, employment, education, health have been ALL from my decision to stand and induce change.
So as I head back to bed to recapture lost sleep, (because contrary to my personal belief, I am getting old, I am not super human), I recognize that I am most fortunate. My children absolutely adore me and I them. We are learning new life experiences together ever day. Most days, they are my teachers. Through communication of my experiences I can affect positive change in the daily influx of beautiful people looking, searching for the answer on how they can induce change in their own lives.
When we yearn for change, the most difficult task is to identify, not what is wrong, but how we can make it right. For most people this is where I come in. I have reached a point in my life that I simply love people. I especially love the courage within people to say "there needs to be change in my life, help me"....my Mom helped me to identify what exactly was wrong and how I could make it right.
It never fails. Change is going to happen. Your life path will attempt to keep adjusting itself without you and cause you increased stress and worry, until you stand, grab the reins and take control. This is what I do.
Everyone has their special talent. This, my friends is mine. I help you to identify and define where changes need to be made. Then together we create a new path with you in control. I simply show you how you can accomplish where change is taking you. And I believe in you.
This is where you meet your world. The world you created around you. And you smile, because you know, you feel, you believe, in you, in your life path. It may get hard. That's okay too. I won't give up on you, and you won't give up on you. Your journey is success, change is your success and success is your journey. Embrace/control your change. V xo
ps. Photo by the talented journalist Gail Paquette
No comments:
Post a Comment