GTOC Blog #32 At the End of your World...Choose LOVE !!

Today,....the last day of the end of the world....OR....the first day of the rest of our world?

I was invited to say a quick few words to a graduating class at Rosewood College today.  I was asked because I represent women who have fought back and have worked hard, ethically to become a success. 

I do not view myself as a success.  The picture I have of the "successful me" in my mind is similar to the me of today....however....the "successful me" has achieved the ability to support the efforts of women internationally. I could not say this to the Graduating Class of Rosewood Ladies...what I could say is that I came from nothing and I still try to smile at myself every morning in the mirror.  In that smile, I see the little girl that dared the world to challenge her.  In that smile, I see kindness because I love my world.  If my smile can eliminate my own greatest fears and make me feel like I can believe in myself...in the me I strive to be.....then it is possible this same smile shared can help others to "feel" my earnest belief that they too can become what they strive to be?  So I tell them,  set your focus on your goals,...smile and feel the success you have already achieved....believe like others do...they believe in your ability to become that successful person you strive to be.

In what I do, I see so very much pain...yet I also see the look of defiant hope in the eyes of so many.  We talk...and eventually the defiant hope transitions to acceptance of hope....success in baby steps to the goal we all strive for....better quality of life.   I have often wondered when my acceptance of my own hope would be achieved.  Each in their own time.  Mine seemed to elude me.

This week our world underwent a transition.  Believer in the end or not was not the issue.  We all either held our breaths in large gulps or tiny gasps.  So many talked with me of their fear of  the end.  Not for themselves but for those they loved.  Deep down, I think the majority believed it would not be the tragic end of life,...end of the world....however they allowed themselves the time to consider what it was about their world ...what was of the greatest importance to them in their world....I did the same.

Of course mine was My Monsters and their's was the same....family became of utmost prominence to the hearts and minds of most.  We prepared as a family with love.  If it was to be the end of the world...we ensured we knew and lived Love and like we do everyday...we hugged...and today we gathered....we have remained close....we remain as a unit of Love together in our world we have chosen to show Love faced with the end of the world.

In our world each of us contacted our "other Loves" and ensured they knew, they believed, they felt our Love for them in their lives, in their worlds....we may have not been able to "tell" them previously....the prevailing winds of catastrophe enabled us to display....LOVE.

The hyped "End of World" time frames came and went.....and we have slowly eased our breathing from gulps, to gasps, to assured strong deep breaths of relief. ...

Faced with the possibility of the end of life as we knew it,...we chanced a greater show of Love irregardless of it's repercussions ...was it difficult... no it was compelling.  Telling Family you Love them is simple...it is the deepest of Loves and it is expected....How do you tell that One person that will be your personal "Cloud Atlas"....that they are/were the one even if it isn't to be in this life.????  How do you tell that Stranger....they are Loved in their Community?....You are compelled with the looming disaster of the catastrophe of our World....Did you before Catastrophe Loomed?...Do you now that Galactic Catastrophe no longer holds our breaths in captivity?

Say "YES"....if you believed in the display of Love when you thought your world would end....How could you not believe in Love when your beautiful world remained here for you to Love!?!  Of Course, you knew I would say that!!...

There are so very many ways to show Love in your Community....don't get angry at that driver in front of you who doesn't move out your way fast enough....that is LOVE ...  wish that pan handler that holds the door for you while she holds out her can for change, the best of days!!... GIVE your SMILE....it is your GREATEST show of LOVE.....let your SMILE reach your EYES...watch those you smile at...they will BLOSSOM....and it took you no effort except to allow yourself to share your LOVE.  Your life becomes enriched as does the life of the person you shared your LOVE with.

So YES, my world ended today, so that I could begin my world of LOVE with the earnest knowledge that today, tomorrow and forever I will not only display my deepest LOVE for my Monsters and my Family....this includes, letting go of difficulties and replacing them with hugs...I will also continue to display my LOVE  for my friends....even when they confuse me with their actions....it's okay....I believe and LOVE them for who they are....MY friends.....I will also continue to LOVE my COMMUNITY...How could I not..?? 

Say "YES !!!"

....my everyday is based upon;

 my early morning prayers that I will be given the opportunity to positively affect someone's life,

my morning mirror smile assuring myself that I LOVE me....and I LOVE my world,

my God given LOVE to believe in my neighbor, my co-worker, my Community,

my view of my world is surreal...is beautiful....I see my World through Smiling Eyes....this is MY SUCCESS....


In 2005, Christmas Eve, I entered the Mall....with a goal....I wanted to feel the LOVE of my Community when my children and  I had been so easily abandoned.  We felt Lost,....Our "safe world" had disappeared.  I opened the Mall doors for a woman obviously in a "shattered" stressed Christmas frenzy....as she thanked me, I smiled and she looked into my eyes.....I am sure there was a sadness there in my eyes....she stopped her "shattered" moment and turned to me....with a "Merry Christmas" wish she held my frightened gaze....with a smile.  A smile that said "everything will be okay...Love will win".....I reached forward and held her arm as she struggled with her parcels.....it was then I realized....LOVE WILL WIN......my smile renewed....I hugged this woman...this stressed stranger....with the hug of CHRISTMAS LOVE...."thank you" I whispered to her...

Since that day, each Christmas Eve, I go to the Mall in search of those eyes either stressed or shattered....to smile at...to hug....to show CHRISTMAS LOVE to......it has become a tradition....I now have a route and fans of christmas hugs come forward for their hug....like no other hug....a CHRISTMAS HUG....gives hope for LOVE.....the greatest of gifts we can offer each other is LOVE AND HOPE.

Whether our world ends today or when our time transfers to those we leave to continue our traditions....let's leave them with HOPE and LOVE.

So today,  YES my world ended.!!!  Thankfully I have been given the God given talent to HUG...to LOVE...to COMMUNICATE with my world.....MY COMMUNITY....LOVE AND HOPE....this is my NEW world.....MY NEW WORLD......thank you for being one of the most important and influential beings in my MY new world....HUGS.....CHRISTMAS HUGS......LOVE AND HOPE  ...... V xo

GTOC Blog #31 God Bless Sandy Hook...The Suffering of the Innocents.

For the last 48 hours, upon learning of the massacre of innocent children, I have simply had one response..."NO!!" 

The concept, the visual, the words...declared war on my belief in my world.  I have seen and endured torment...this, this  was unfathomable to my soul, my heart, my mind.  My children gathered and hugged me close knowing I was incapable of responding.  I could not comfort their fears when I could not defend my psyche from the indescribable assault placed upon the suffering of the innocents, both children and parents.

Following an evening of awaking to vivid dreams of screams, of tormented voices....I awoke prepared to separate those visions of suffering from my mind, from my heart...from my soul.  After all,  I am a Mom.  I must function happily as such to achieve the positive safety my children look to me for.....yet each time I turned on my phone, the FB posting of all the children's & teacher's names popped onto my main screen.  The reminder of a tragedy that would not be dismissed....I closed my phone...later I will address this properly, I told myself.

As Father Whalen began his homily, I wondered if he would address this tragedy.  Give guidance.  I couldn't be the only one looking for clarity, for comfort, for direction on how to address this.

In the beginning his words reflected on community issues I very much believe in and show it through my efforts everyday....if you have two coats, share one.  If you have food and another doesn't ,..share it.  Work honestly, don't cheat your customers/clients.  Ethics and Moralities.  I was drawn to this.  My mind searched for something to address where I could affect positive affirmation.

Then he did address the issue, and my mind enveloped his words as he also described it as "A Suffering of the Innocents"....my children drew in close to me while he talked....and I remembered that one of my children was missing from my side...normally so vigilant in his attendance with me to mass, knowing it's greatest importance to my happiness.  I felt tears rise again....and anger...there is no consolation to be given to those parents.  In a time of jubilant celebrations....they had lost their joy....as our international community were struggling to achieve ourselves.  "No", I repeated once again.  There was nothing I could possibly do to alleviate the sadness and anger of the parents of Sandy Hook....and as the tears welled in my eyes again, I heard Fr Whalen say.....yes there was a personality disorder that affected the individual who did this horrendous assault, but that still does not excuse the evil that directed him to do what he had done.  We all have a choice he said....even the individuals with a "personality disorder" have a choice....that person chose "Evil"...

My mind raced ... I have been affected by and endured many "Evil" decisions and made excuses for them all with words like, "chemical imbalance", "addictions", "insecurities".  By  Fr. Whalen's labeling the decision of this person as "Evil" I have come to terms with a great many tragedy's in my life, in my children's life.  Why?  Although I would never conceivably fathom the grief of parents of these innocent children and the Evil done to them,....I did and continue to fight the "Evil" done to myself and my children in our lives.  As such, I have been given the tool required to fight the Evil in our lives.....Live with the greatest of Goodness that you can....Share, show your love not only to those easy to receive it, but also to those who would spit it back at you.  Ensure your children know and feel your love.  Ensure everyone in your community feels wanted as a member.  Yes, most of us have several coats,  share one....most of us have full pantry's....share some.

The best and most enduring weapon against evil....is LOVE.  Not just today.  Everyday.  Make LOVE a part of your life.  Feel LOVE's rewards in your mind, your heart & your soul...and it will multiply.  God has given us the greatest of weapons.  Whether you believe in One God or not....the weapon is there for you to utilize with compassion....to combat hate.  LOVE.

In our beautiful world, there are hundreds of thousands of  evil assaults everyday.  Our international communication via internet and television have amplified our knowledge in the proof of these indescribable horrors.  Yet I have witnessed a focused positively beautiful goal within our International Community to eradicate hate, injustice, evil with the tool of Compassionate Love.

I am turning off my computer tonight, to join my children with an annual tradition of watching "Jingle All the Way" with Arnold Swarzenegger because I laugh so hard I almost pee my pants.....and it is infectious.....my children look forward to the family bouts of uncontrollable laughter.  Unlike the grieving parents of Sandy Hook which will forever hold a place in my heart and soul...I have been gifted with an overwhelming Weapon of LOVE, which I hold for all my children...(even when they "skip" mass) and I have been gifted with another evening, another opportunity to express my LOVE for them through compassion and laughter as and entire family....as one.   We triumph over evil always, as forever we will express this LOVE for our children and together as a Community through all our times of rejoicing and of grieving...for we do both in the name of LOVE.

God Bless the Innocents.  V xo

GTOC Blog #30 A Time to Engage.

A Time to Engage

December 2012

·        Veronica Hendrick-Lockyer, Spokesperson

·         

·        Why GTOC Was Created

·         

·        The GTOC Coaching Program

·         

·        Rose Hall, A Home For Women in Prince Edward County

·         

·        Little Theresa’s House, A Home for Women in Belleville

·         

·        Furniture Friend.ze & Furniture Bank

·         

·        Farm Friend.ze

·         

·        A Public Awareness Campaign

·         

·        The Community’s Role

·        Veronica The Storyteller, Our International Children 

It is my greatest of pleasures to be invited here today to talk with you.

·       To explain to you why GTOC has been created.

·       To detail for you how our coaching program supports women’s efforts.

·       To let you know the status of our various projects.

·       To discuss where you can assist GTOC in positively affecting this social issue.

Do you remember as a child, the dreams we believed?  We believed in Fairytales....We cheered Cinderella and Prince Charming....we cried with Bambie....We believed in Super Heros...Wonder Woman, Spiderman....Batman.......

As a matter of fact, WE believed in the impossible. 

One day we are introduced to the Boogey Man....and then, oh boy....do we believe in the Boogey Man....we check under the bed before going to sleep, we carefully close all the closet doors before we turn out the light and  we run the double step up the basement stairs....because YES, we can see him so vividly....WE believe!

We grow up…Our fears and our dreams change.....but we still believe....in fact eventually WE believe in ourselves!!  We remember when we sat on Daddy's knee and he told us we could be ANYTHING we ever wanted to be!! It was no different than sitting on Santa's lap and knowing he would deliver .... There was never a doubt....we believed.

Do you remember sitting on Daddy's knee and believing.....YOU could be ANYTHING you wanted?

Now look at yourself today.  Did you become what you believed you could be?  Did you?  How about you?

Some of us have.  Some of us haven't.   Some of us simply stopped believing.  Why? Can you imagine what it feels like to suddenly realize, you don't believe in our world, our people....that you don't believe in you?

There can be a million reasons why we stop believing we can be and do whatever we want in this world.  Sometimes it is self inflicted through self doubt and we simply stop trying.

Sometimes we meet someone, they become our ALL and we lose ourselves.

Sometimes we actually meet the real boogey man and simply surviving is our greatest need to believe.

Eventually in our lives, many of us need to restart.  There are many more of us than we could imagine.  Only restarting isn't as simple as when you were starting out as a child.  As a child you had those around you to teach you love, support, and dreams. Restarting must start from within.  You must dig deep and you must find the you who used to believe.

So restarting is a journey....let's look at what is involved in this journey.....it all depends on where you are in your life version of starting over....so I will detail mine......and mine is gentle compared to most I regularly encounter...

1.   On the day I found out my "spark" , my will to be alive, was about to dim permanently....after 18 years of learning to hide......I stood up.

2.  Terrified I confided in my most trusted person....my Mom.

3.  My Mom told me to stand up for what I was there to protect....my children...to do that, I had to protect me.

4.  I was lucky....I was the mother bear protecting her young. Many women must stand up who have no children, or their children are already grown.  It is more difficult for them.

5.  I learned to play the survival game.

6.  I learned to duck, I learned to bob & I learned to weave.....I learned all of this, because I believed in my role....to protect my babies.

7.  I learned the game of chess....I learned to negotiate....I learned to take control of boundaries.

8.  I learned to say no.

9.  I learned that rape was rape, irregardless of circumstances and relationship.

10. I learned that abuse was abuse, irregardless of physical, mental or emotional.

11. I learned.....I had a voice....I had the will....AND  I had the right to say "NO"

12. and most importantly,...I learned that my children had these same rights....no matter what the circumstances.

13.  I  had  to learn to say no to someone I trusted to take care of not only me,....I trusted to take care of our children.

I learned that sometimes, the Boogey Man is the person we thought we trusted most in this world.

And so I dug in deep and I stood up to face our Boogey Man.  As a result, the father of my children, my husband, abandoned us.  In fact he moved to the other side of the world.  Having never been on my own, never mind on my own with 4 young children I was terrified yet relieved to be freed from the unspeakable life the children and I had endured.

First was survival.  Feed my children. Provide a roof over their heads. Provide warmth. Provide safety.

Like most women, I hid our circumstances until I collapsed with starvation.  I was working 3 jobs and could not afford the babysitters, food, mortgage, heat, hydro, telephone, car, insurance.....or …Christmas.

I worked so much that I became ill.  Following a long bout with Scarlet Fever, I stood up again.  I felt as of I had been kicked for my efforts.  Still, I stood stronger.  I moved forward.  I had to learn, one of the scariest lessons in life.....to ask for help....

So what happened with my children?  They were of course my prime concern, yet I rotated babysitters to accommodate the need for me to work three jobs to pay for food, home & transportation.  There are things "safe" children take for granted in life.  There are things my children were required to "overcome" "surpass" and "deliver" .

1.  Food.  Sometimes, the  condiments were the meal.

2.  Home.  We didn't invite friends over because we didn't have real meals, We didn’t have tv.  We didn't have internet.  We didn't have amenities.  We barely had heat.

3.  Rumours.  Small towns, small neighborhoods, closed minds are difficult.  Children, hear their parents.  Children hear what their parents gossip.  Children repeat what they hear to the other kids at school.  My children came home ashamed, because of the raging rumors discussed openly by neighborhood parents.

4.  School trips.....they are not necessities....and as a child, .if at first you ask and then your mother cries because she cannot provide..... you never ask again.  Did your children ever have to stay home while their classmates went to the frink centre?  It's not much to some... but .it is the world to others/

5.  Lunches.  Sometimes lunches were slim.  When supper is peanut butter, can we have jam for lunch?  What if jam makes you ill?  Ever had a horseradish sandwich?  My children, know what a horseradish sandwich is....because it is better than a jam sandwich when you cannot afford margerine.

6.  Bullies:  My children learned to stand and either fight back or endure.  Some did one, some did the other.  When children do not  have the "supportive presence" of a parent....ever,.....the bullies begin.  The children don't want to discuss horrible school torments with their Mom who they don't see till 11pm each night....they want to hug their Mom.  They have missed something important... time with. their Mom.

Life wasn’t horrible, we were free, but it was unnecessarily difficult.  What we expect amongst the working poor became a normal to us.  I for one never thought I would ever be categorized with the "welfare people" or the "working poor" yet  I have been both now for 9 years.

Have you ever gone to the bathroom and thought....conserve the squares....tomorrow there will be no toilet paper, so conserve the squares?

Have you ever not drank the bottles water, so your children could?

Have you ever had to approach a boss on pay day and beg for your pay cheque because there was no food left,...not even condiments and the kids were home .... waiting for food ?

Have you ever come home with no pay cheque, because your boss discounted the amount you would receive from welfare thinking it was fair to decided on your behalf that your minimum wage job was too much for her to pay when you already received assistance.....so you worked for less than minimum wage so that she could take her kids on a holiday instead of paying you?

These are only a few of the indignities I had to learn my lessons on, so:

This is where we learn to stand.

This is where we learn to play the game of survival chess.

This is where we must learn...We are worth MORE!!

Okay...so enough of this.  I think you understand.....self worth/self realization is a journey.  It is a struggle.  For those who have endured, for those who have succeeded and for those who have been fortunate enough never to have experienced.....YOU have invited me here to discuss........what is next.

There is more to this.  You look at me and you see a self confident woman.  You are witnessing someone who walks into boardrooms filled with corporate heads and politicians and asks them..."what have you accomplished for women today?".... How could you know that this morning I shook?  From the depths of my soul, I have been shaking for over a week, knowing I would be standing before you today discussing times within my life that challenged my belief in world, my life, my children and my belief in me?....

However following 9 years of self doubt....after 9 years of attempting to rebuild my self worth, of attempting to restart my life....I am still standing!  Because I am standing first and foremost as a mom....who's children adore her....who's children have overlooked the trappings of today's society and realize their own self worth, their families worth...and they believe in themselves.  Not because of what I have told them, but because they have fought for themselves, they have discovered their worth...a worth no one will ever be able steal from them.

Today I also stand before you as a woman who believes.  Everything I do, everyday is a result of my belief in God, my belief in my world,  my belief in my community, and my belief in me.

Our strongest leaders in our history have stood up and announced their beliefs in God,  in our Country, in our People and in themselves.   I may not be a strong leader....but I believe.  Today I came here to talk to you because I believe in women.

In February of this year, I had my company incorporated.  Glass Tower Offices Corporation.  The mission is to provide women with the tools to improve their quality of life through education, health and wellness.  When we are well, spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally...we progress.  Today is about progress.

I am going to assume you asked me here to talk with you today, not only to hear of my struggles, of my failures...but to hear of my successes?  GTOC...Glass Tower Offices Corporation is my success.  Within this corporation, we have the ability to address women's issues, to inject positive influences on a regular supportive basis and to approach our politicians to acknowledge the deficiencies in  our system. 

 I am approaching you, our community to discuss how we as a community cannot only improve upon and support the efforts of our women but also we can openly discuss with our politicians the need for them to openly support our women.  While we recognize their inability to provide funding to support our women,...can they not verbally support our efforts to assist our women in their struggles to better quality of life?  Or is that politically incorrect?  What about you?  Are you not sitting in the audience today amongst your peers wondering...what can I do?  I am simply me?  I am only one.

So am I.   I am simply me.  A mom.  A mom who still struggles every day to feed her children.  A mom who believes in women.  Women who deserve our support of their efforts to self sustainability.  And we all have the duty to assist in one way or another.

This past week I had the sad occasion to witness one of our own fail.   I cannot help everyone.  I do try.  Most nights I lie awake in cold sweats searching the depths of my mind for how I can do more.   Sometimes we have done everything possible and must accept our failures.  Sometimes, we know with more structure we could have done more,  with more support, one of our own would not have failed, sometimes we must stand up and recognize....it is time to engage.

Our politicians and our government agencies that represent us constituents have privately recognized, there is a major issue to be addressed here with our women.  They have also acknowledged our  supported efforts to create solutions within these issues.  Why I ask you today, have they not publicly stepped forward in support of our efforts?  I have never asked for them to support with funds.  Instead I have put forth great effort to inform them of our mission and to ask them to refer to GTOC those women they cannot or will not help. 

Let us try as a community to support our own.  It has become obvious that to move progressively forward, our community must demonstrate to our government what should be done and when the time arrives we will willingly choose the candidate who stepped into his community and supported in like with his or her constituents.

It has become "the time" to stand up as a community and let our own struggling women know that they are worth every effort.  So it is your turn.  Glass Tower Offices has created the structure based upon experience within the Social Assistance System...to "fill the gaps"....to assist those women struggling for better quality of life.  In our community, what is your role....what is your duty?   Stand up and engage.

You are an integral part of an influential group.  Make yourself and your efforts for our community's women known.   Start talking.  Start assisting.  Start.

I am simply one.  You, as a group, hold the power to make yourselves, your efforts known.  You as a group can ensure others within our community stand up.  Communication is your tool, Knowledge is your tool,  Following through is your goal.

As I child, I had never met a divorced person.  As an adult, it is difficult for me to encounter couples that have remained within their first marriages.  Times have changed.

Communications have changed and our world has changed.   As women, we have transitioned, we have become empowered to influence positive change for our next generations.  Do we struggle simply to maintain the struggle of our daughters, or do we stand up?  Do we reach forward and invite others to do the same?  Do we lead the path to influence a system that will progressively assist those women whose struggles we support? … I can tell you, I am.

The two greatest words to put forth are "I am"

I am a beautiful woman,

I am a loving mother,

I am a supporter of my community,

I am strong in  my beliefs,…so are you or you wouldn’t be here today.

Together we can say,

·        “I am a part of a group that will stand as one to ensure that if the boogeyman ever becomes a reality for my daughter....she will not struggle as deeply as other women before her have. 

·       
I am a part of a community that will educate our youth to stand, to positively engage, to not lose their self worth.

·       
I am an influence on my elected politician to affect the system to ensure a positive affect is put in place to support the efforts of our Community's women struggling for better quality of life for themselves and for their children. 

Today I ask you to stand up.  To step forward  and to ask me....what can I do?  What can we do as a group?  What next? 

To everyone who stands up and steps forward with the question,...what can I do?....I ask...What is your passion?  What do you enjoy?....Where do you want to make a difference?  It might be artistic, it might be financial, it might be educational. 

Let's discover what makes you feel your self worth in standing up and stepping forward. For you do have the opportunity to do this!  

In closing there is a heart warming experience I want to re-experience with you today.  Last month I was asked to start communicating with a mother and daughter that were being evicted from a house/cottage, fantastic location but with no heat, no hydro, no phone and no food...and barely enough gas to get them to the hospital when the daughter became deathly ill.  I put forth an opportunity for our community to stand up and deliver one item of food from each of their cupboards...and they did.  In abundance.  Those who could only give one,...gave one....those who could give much...did.  This is our role as a community.  We  give and do of yourselves.  The mother and daughter have struggled greatly and are now on a very slow upward curve to better quality of life.  What did they need? the necessity of nourishment but also the hope and belief that their community, without ever meeting them...believed in them, that their community believed in their worth when our government system did not. 

A little later, still in touch with the mother/daughter, I made public note of items needed by one of the women entering Rose Hall and the coaching system of GTOC.  The only response I received was from the mother / daughter.  From their meager possessions they put forth some of their very best items, to support one of their own.  This is a norm!

Those that have can require direction to participate in the greater need.

 Those that have nothing understand the concept of needing less and of releasing items that will enhance another's lives who need and will enhance their lives in the act of giving. 

It is the Christmas season and this story inspires me.  When requested, our community steps positively forward.  Up until 9 years ago, I was one of those seemingly "lucky women" with the perfect family that rarely stepped forward to be involve in community. 

So Today, thank you for asking me to talk with you.  Today I can tell you....I stood up.  Today I can tell you ....it's your turn to stand up.  We all have a sister, aunt, mother, grandmother, niece, daughter, neighbor, co-worker, struggling  for better quality of life. 

Lets discuss this.  You, simply you, and you as a group have an opportunity to make a difference, to affect the system. 

 So do it...  I am not going to ask you what is stopping you, instead I am going to say which of the items listed here would you do for your fellow woman?  You have my contact info.  Talk to me....together.....we can eliminate this issue....we can make a huge difference to many…we can easily give hope.....we can affect the system for our daughters / grand daughters. 

I look forward to many, many discussions with each and everyone of you to answer the questions, of the how’s,  the where’s, and the when’s to stand up…we already know the “why’s”. 

IT IS THE TIME TO ENGAGE.

A Time to Engage..Needs

December 2012

·        Everyone can communicate, spread the word, every day  so that women everywhere know GTOC is here for them.

·        If you have contacts within Ontario Works, ODSP, Industry (for the working poor)…communicate GTOC with them.

·        Communicate with the Media/Groups/Politicians

·        Put your name on the donator's list for food/furniture/funds

·        Donate your expertise !

Fundrasing,

Organizing,

Refinishing Furniture,

Delivering Clothing,

Educating,

Decorating,

..always, always Communicating.never stop…it is our  power.

“…as one woman, like glass we can be fragile. 

Together as a tower we are the definition of strength…” Veronica  GTOC

GTOC Blog #29 Live What You Believe

I grew up in a family that remained true to the historically described severely unromantic notion of  Irish Anger.   I can recall several instances growing up where, dramatic anger,...larger than life....were the norm.  Swift Vikingish visualizations of an enfuriating rage and decapitating ax swipe of the massive Conan the Barbarian,  romantically handsome Kull the Conqueror, ahhh yes....even the terrifiying Ivan the Terrible!....were dramatisized in my everyday life as a child.....or shall I say romantisized????   My father, a true Irishman, ruled his family with an iron fist and a leprachanish twinkle in his eye......  My Mom,.....classically elegant and the solid pillar that held my father's beliefs. Mom, the Romantisized Romanian Gypsy, tiny and mighty in one solid glance.  My father would educate and discuss religious and political history with my Mom with stories that kept us children enthralled through long family dinners each Sunday.....so fantastical.....yet always with humor in each story that would ignite that leprachanish twinkle.  Dad would chide Mom on her Romanian ancestry with a fully accented Vladimir the Impaler historical renditions a la Boris Karloff......" I Wan TO Suck Yo Blood!!!!"  ahahahahahahahahah!!!

I romantisize my childhood.  I am a Storyteller like my father.  When you ask, I will recant an episode unlike any you have ever experienced, taken from my life of travel, loves won, loves lost, ...and I will make you feel.   Feel a lifetime you ache to experience.  All embellished upon true facts.  For it is how a Storyteller views there world, their community. 

I have also inherited my father's tenacity....and raging anger at injustices.  While my father's influence was quick to temper, my mother's was much more temperate.  I thank God everyday that I recognized the difference at an early age.  There have been times in my life I was justified to rage in a physical manner that would could easily subdue Ivan the Terrible and entice a full blown retreat within Vladimir himself.  Without my mother's influence of self control, I could easily be incarcerated at this date.  Yes I have very much been influenced by my father's tenacity to correct injustices with my Mother's temperate intellect to negotiate for the good of community.

Like my Mother I have been considered extreemly redundant and unintelligent for the majority of my life.  Not because I displayed this characteristic but more because I displayed no characteristic to differentiate myself from a quiet tenacious snail that carried it's house, strong but enduringly silent.  Since my father's passing, my Mother has taken on the role of being vocal in her beliefs.  She no longer stands supportive behind my father...she stands true to her own, irregardless of who, what, when, ...it doesn't matter how tiny you are....stand tall....be heard....live what you believe. 

The common element inherited from both my parents.....stand tall, be heard.....Live what you Believe.

At 47 years old.....I have finally heard the message my parents passed on to us children.  ..."Live What you Believe". 

This is no simple task. 

I believe in the love, the sanctity of marriage, but even with 18 years of effort,  I have yet to experienced it. 
I believe in "love thy neighbor"...but I have experienced neighbors that witnessed  the hardships bestowed upon myself and endured the degradation of their cheers encouraging my oppressor. 
I have tried to believe in me.  But I am the first to let myself down.

At 47 years old,  today a simple question was asked of me and I responded, without hesitation...."Live What You Believe"

So I put before you, my Community and I put before myself .... What do You Believe???

I believe in the goodness of people.....If you tell people they are good.....they will hold true.
I believe in the love of humanity....If you tell people they can help their brother with a smile.....they will smile.
I believe in children, ..I watch many families around me trying to instill basic loves...I watch them succeed.
I believe we have been provided with an abundance, it is our duty to share...and accept what others will share.

I believe we have innate abilities to shine beyond our conceptual expectations. 
I believe it is our duty as members of an international community release the conceptual inhibitions and shine to benefit our international brother and sister.

True to Governmental and Corporate structurally monetary mentalities, encompassing the international community with a movement of  "communal brotherhood" is an achievement we are striving towards with intrepid steps.....they require a model.....a model of success within a structured statistical atmosphere, called "Community'.

So we are taken to task.  WE  are a COMMUNITY. 
Within our local community we have the privileged, ...and at times even our privileged need aid.
Within our local community we have the consistents. ...and sometimes even our consistents need aid.
Within our local community we have the underprivileged,....and sometimes even our underprivileged need aid.

HERE is our model, within a structured statistical atmosphere.
HERE is our task.

What can each of us privileged, consistents, & underprivileged do within this community model to create a successful benefit to our brother and sister?

What are you willing to do?  What do you believe in?  What do you live?

When you decide to have children and you create a world of love around them, does it include a community that believes?  Do you encourage them to engage with our international community?  In this day, is there any other way to achieve knowledge other than to engage at such a level?

We ask ourselves all these questions when we bring our children into our local and international community.  What do we want for our Children?  We want them to experience a world better than what we experienced with the everlasting tenacious believe in respect of love and life. 

So show them here, what is possible.
So show our Government what our Local Community has made possible.
So show our Corporate and International Community what we have made possible.

Stand up. Be heard.  Live What You Believe.
This is our International Community Model based upon the success of our Local Community Model.

This year my Mother told me of my Father's taste for the disgusting combination of peanut butter and onions on toast.  Completely my concept of an abomination of a long standing peanut butter and toast treat within my childhood and adult families. This evening, I ventured forth, petrified of the "hereditarial" abomination  for this taste yet trusting of his tenaciously Irish sensibilities of old. 

This evening, I tasted my first endeavor into green onion dipped in skippy peanut butter.....uncertain I dipped into the large skippy jar with my green produce, once again.....and yet a third time......shall I say 5th/6th ?????

Oh Danny Boy,;....What have you hidden from my taste buds?....What lays afront me in the newly found experience of my taste buds experimentation with endeavorous tastes of old?....come to me O'le Danny Boy for the onion dipped Skippy Be Callin' to me from times of old....

I return to my hereditary influences of a tenaciously Irish Father and a patiently Romanian Mother.....I am blessed.  For my family is my Community...and I have been taught the most enduring lesson of old.....

Live What You Believe....  V xo

GTOC Blog #28 Allowing Self Redundance

I have to admit, I didn't categorize myself as redundant until I was eternally negated by employers searching for that one thing I did not have.  It was redundant that I excelled at the exponential experience they detailed for their mundane state of position.  My resume did not entail the one detail they desired....I was therefore categorized as redundant, like so many 40+ women before me.

"Hi, I am redundant....I have been searching for a meaningful position that will fill me with the gratification of accomplishment,  I work hard 24/7/365/, my  team adores me, my mission is to fulfill the quota entailed within the company that would employ my redundant butt.......Hi, I am redundant."

In 1993 I released my dream career to remain home with my first child, then again in 1995 with my second child, 1997 with my third & in 2001 with mr. baby gaby.

Since this decision, I unknowingly and seemingly signed the document detailing my redundancy.

In 2004, my redundancy became evident to me as the the father of all 4 of my children skipped country.

"Hi, I am redundant...I have worked within my chosen career, handed my dream job on a silver platter for my efforts, worked an abundance of meaningful positions, have the highest provincial real estate law grading, have raised 4 children and survived a physically, emotionally, & mentally abusive relationship, successfully achieving complete Love of Life, it's people, it's community....and I.........I am redundant."

Definition of Redundant:  "being in excess; exceeding what is usual or natural: a redundant part."
  
As I explained to my children the why's of me taking a position far below my capabilities I would explain,...."Mommy has been out of work for a long time while I stayed home....there are many women who have lots and lots of education that will be Mommy's bosses."....then they would meet these "very intellectual women" and my children afterwards would say...."it sounds like Mommy is taking care of these very intellectual women,...."....and following tuck in time...I would hide in my room and cry.  

I was ready to soar,....however the world around me was telling me to crawl.... why?

Sometimes, yes...we have to crawl a few times before we truly learn to soar.  Each of us differs.  Some soar at the offset.  Some must learn to soar.....maybe we need to crash land on a few occasions before soaring encompasses our lives.

In 2005 I crash landed, with 4 children all under the age of 12.  By the time 2006 arrived, I had struck a note in a new career and created an abundance of neighborhood abusers that would block my efforts to provide a living for my children.  I was "kinda pretty" I worked too hard....I was a happy, loving mom,...so I must be a horrible person somewhere....the rumors were plentiful and spread from the small town moms to their small town children and were readily injected into my already injured children.

Together we faced an abundance of obstacles.  To this day my only answer as to how we survived and thrived is our absolute love for each other.

In 2010,  I announced my decision to create a company, not like any before me, that would aid women like me in achieving their goals.  That would fill the loop holes and cracks our current system created.  I created a viable business that would achieve what others of similar sorts could not.  

Myself, my children, consciously decided.....we don't need a stock pile of food (we've been without for so very long, why would we need it now)....we don't need a new car ( we fly on a wing and a prayer)...we don't need designer or name brand clothing ( mom was a designer...we are too) ....we rarely go out to dinner/movies/shopping/....we have 9 acres across which we hike, together,...we dance in the fields,  we borrow movies instead of having tv....we know....there is more to life than things....and we did it.

In 2012, we really did it!  We,....the kids and I, created a home any woman would be proud to say she lived in. We turned our home into a place we would be proud to invite other women and their children into.  We worked hard.  We created flower gardens, stone walls to contain them, we cut acres of grass...created multitudes of patios for various moments in various women's lives.

Then we purchased another home.  I took on a second night time job to cover the mortgages on both houses.  With faith....we have pilgrimiged forward.    It has taken time...and the first GTOC house for women opened it's doors in October, for the most wonderful and courageous woman and her sons.  We were proud the day we met this intelligent woman who loved life in a venue identical to your own.  What she required we could provide.  In accepting her efforts, a community was created.  The second woman arrived, desparately in need of a warm environment.  GTOC's  Rose Hall was becoming viable.

The second house was under renovation.....and an emergency occurred.  The local support and aid supplier declined assistance and GTOC was brought to task.  From this....a new avenue for those who would need has been established....The "FURNITURE FRIEND-ZE".  From here, those in need without a doubt, will receive the required healthy food for their families FREE of CHARGE....beds, chairs, tables etc for their homes FREE of CHARGE....

I run it currently from my home that I am renovating for the next round of GTOC women.  With the support of community we will expand on this.

I am proof,  my children/ my family is proof, our community is proof....we can achieve what is required to support the efforts of those who wish to work hard to achieve permanent quality of life.  We have decided via GTOC to be the "hand up" for those who are ready to achieve.  We are the "hand up" while we await those who are not ready to achieve yet as well.

Glass Tower Offices Corporation, may be my brain child.  However, it is my communities achievement. THEY have stepped forward.  THEY have seen the need.  I have only given direction.  THEY have given HOPE where it was needed. 

I am no longer redundant.   I am needed.

Everyday, I meet with women who feel as I once did.  "Redundant".  

I tell the my story.  They tell me there's.

Together we set a goal, that will make them feel needed, not only by their community...but by themselves.  For that is where it begins...... V xo

Blog #27 Discovering Life Balance....

The life path I have chosen is not an easy one.   I revel in this.  Most likely I'd be bored if I had chosen an easy life path...if there is such a thing.

One expression I have always lived by is "do everything in moderation"  For example: Too much singularly healthy living can't be all good.  If we wash our hands every 2 seconds, how will our bodies learn to fight germs?  Eventually some type of germ will slip through along the most sincere of avenues....and we only hope our bodies are tough enough to protect our overall well being.   

Really, I have yet to observe a Mexican not drink Mexican water or check their vegetables to verify they were washed in bottled water, or ice cube for evidence of cleanliness.  My ex however felt his being to be drunkingly superior and became the closest of messy buddies with Mr. Montazuma himself, and danced the unwaivering Montazuma waltz with this newest and dearest companion, while on our honeymoon.

The two don't identically correlate however, the image emerged and must be shared!!

This evening I received a "I give up on love of  life" message from one of my dearest old friends.  He once was the most romantic,  gentlemen...with a twinkle in his eye, none in this world could ignore.  Knowing he has tried for an abundance of years to maintain a romance in his marriage, I know it is the failure of these attempts with a woman who has allowed hatred and fear to over rule her every movement that has resigned his very being to failure in love of life. Every part of me wants to fight for them.  Together or apart, love of life is worth fighting for.....even when all else seems lost. 

LOVE OF LIFE = FAITH = SELF WORTH = RESPECT OF LIVE = HAPPINESS = LOVE OF LIFE

I cannot however, fight a fight for someone else.  This is their fight.  Upon receiving his text this evening, I began to sink into despair alongside him.  I empathically do this whether it is a friend I have just met or a friend I have held close to my heart all my years.  I do this upon my first introduction to every Aspiring Woman's shared story and I do this with my beautiful and most dearest friends, I hold so close to my heart....This is my life I have chosen,...it's not an easy one.

With a tear in my eye, I disjointedly separated myself from my phone from where the text came from.  I wandered to the kitchen and attempted to reattach myself with my world of hope, my family, by preparing the planned meal for dinner.  Again the invisible waves of despair rippled through my heart and I hid the tears behind the chopping of tasty purple onions.

Literally I felt my heart grasping, reaching for hope.  Despair was throwing an unfavorable "off balance" to my usually happy, loving life.  So I reached once again for my phone, wishing to witness letters, words of hope from the spark of a person I once knew.  None.  And the tears welled as my thumb routinely searched messages from texts, to emails...searching for someone I could fight for, that still had hope, that would re-energize my hope.....None.

As I lay down my now dull phone, face down as if to seal  the fate of his chosen words...my phone vibrated.....through very thick tears that refused to dislodge I read a message of hope.  A message of faith in me.  Not from my old friend.  But from an unknown.  As I read this very brief message, my lips began to quiver, like my Mom's always did when her deepest of feelings were affected. 

In essence this message relayed a group of people's faith in my efforts for GTOC's women.  Beyond any communications, they have decifered my daily struggle to try to do enough.  They have read between the lines I actually share and suffered my empathies along with me.  In sending this one small email, this group renewed my life balance....I opened my arms and hugged my son...my son that can and has been easily trapped in the sufferings of others.  I chose him because he also can feel, as I do, the joy of others and I share my hope, my love of life...the understanding of the balance of life with him so that one day when I am not here to even this balance, he will understand and feel the effects of now.....then.

In my son's eyes, I saw hope and love of life once again reflected. 

LIFE HAS BALANCE.

Sometimes, it is thrown off balance and we cannot affect that balance alone.  It takes some one else's belief and love in life shared with us to affect our balance.

My message was sent from half way around the world.  Our world is delicately balanced on love of life..  Today you have the choice as to which way the balance will lean.  Choose.  Share.  Believe. Love Life enough to affect the balance.

My own LOVE OF LIFE, HOPE AND FAITH now firmly balanced within my world....I place within the hands of my old friend a spark.  I freely release one of my own and trust him to hold it.  Care for it.  For one day, in his deepest darkest moment he will open his fist, release this spark and follow it to his own personal HAPPINESS IN HIS LOVE OF LIFE.     V xo

GTOC Blog #26 Dating vs Friendship

I have interviewed and simply chatted with many women since the beginning concepts of GTOC.  One of the "issues" that continue to reach the "ahhhhhh ya" stage, is the issue of men's reactions to them.

I will give you an example.....upon not complying with one of their wishes "to date them"  I have been called...."damaged goods", "a lesbian", "a man hater" and just this week "bitter".  I have only two thoughts:

1.  do I only attract insecure men that need to dish out "anti compliments" when I clearly am not interested in them?
2.  do I really want to date someone that can attempt to apply manipulation before they even attempt to discover who I am.  Could you imagine what horrors they would attempt AFTER discovering my strengths and weaknesses.???

The women I interviewed all told me the same stories:

1.  Because they were over 40 with kids, they were expected to be desperate for anybody.  (ie:  A "caring" person offered me to date her senior uncle because he had a new truck....I think this qualified as his dowery)
2.  Because they had been in a woman's shelter, they were labelled "a head case". (ie:  boyfriend screaming red faced in a public parking lot at me because I refused to engage at his level.  Been there, done that & above that must thusly qualify as "a head case to find escape from antagonism".)
3.  The offers from men to "rescue" them from their situation.  Who actually tracks a woman knowing she is struggling just to survive, simply to offer your version of rescue before simply discovering if they even want to be rescued, or are even compatible?  (ie:  I am 47...at 38 I was approached by my "then boss" to be rescued via marriage and to help raise my kids. There was no mutual compatibility even on a friendship level and his wife might have had an issue with the entire proposal!!)
3.  Men offering women employment hoping to get "attention" from them they could not hope to achieve at a dating level.  (women trying to achieve in life are applying for a multitude of positions every day.  YES they are going to give attention to a potential employer, just like any man would competing for the same position....how pitiful the man that needs to offer "needed employment" to a woman just to gain her attention)
4.  Okay so let's address the "bitter" comment.  :)   My kids and I were all reading this "gentlemans" comments as they came across in messages and the encompassing laughter is worthy of explanation.  So let me address in the remainder of this blog the story of why so very many insecure men "mis-label" we older, experienced in life women.

Bringing forward the past, I don't even hate my ex.  How could I allow hatred to wither my heart?  I have the most beautiful gifts any man could give his woman.  Children.  Where these children originate from is insignificant, their arrival and acceptance into family is in it's entirety the purest definition of LOVE.  I have endured, rape, physical, mental and emotional abuse and yet I don't hate.  I have a heart entirely filled with the love of the most enduringly beautiful creatures my imagination could fathom. My children.

 I recognize my greatest weakness and struggle is "how to be my nice personality I respect and still maintain a life I can be proud of without being taken advantage of.  If you remember the rampant feminist movement of burning bras and disrespecting men as a whole then you remember that bitch of a boss that either slept her way to the top or bitched her way to the top.  I would never have respected myself as either.  The solution took me a few years of learning my strengths to acknowledge.  I am nice.....and I maintain my honesty.  For this I can be proud! and as this, I will succeed.

Let's return to the "bitter" label, and let's include all the other labels I have endured and have come to discover that every insecure man attempting to manipulate a woman has attempted to impose upon a woman.  This specific individual (for we shall not call him a descriptive word like "gentleman") was told at the offset.  "I don't date.  I have tried it and I choose not to date. I do however make an amazing friend.  I love beer, I love baseball, foot ball...being one of the boys." I was honest.

Once receiving this information, he graciously "accepted" with an "okay so friends"....then as the friendship continued ...offered a position of employment. Of course it was a lovely proposal, otherwise why offer it?   Was it accepted under desparation ?  No.  Out of joy of life!! Yes...Absolutely.   Once this individual accepted the "friendship status" I of course believed him, having been quite honest with him, I gave him the respect of integrity.

Within a short time frame the communications became stressed once again with inuendos of  dating.  Again I assured him, "friendship only"...."integrity only"...."respect only".....and the offer of employment stagnated.  It was at this point that I withdrew my acceptance to employment recognizing the "alterior motives" of the individual. ... and as such was called "bitter". 

With my children at my side, I considered the concept.  "was I bitter?"  Laughter ensued and it became a joke.  Have you ever experienced my love of children and how it occupies my every second of being?,  Have you watched as I skip through the leaves and throw them into the air so that their flight influences my very own?, Have you Listened as I described my inspirations within GTOC, within my Children's stories?  Shall I speak for you here?  No!!  Should you have taken the time to work your way to friendship, a real friendship, not a friendship with an agenda, you would have experienced, watched and listened to these integral parts of my being and enjoyed them with me.  For I have desired to be transparent throughout all.  No hidden agendas.  Simply transparent in my love of  all life. 

As an experienced in life, 40 something woman....I thank my very god for my every second of being with my children, my passion for aiding women and my creativity inspired by children.  Those who are true, understand my love of life and how I wish to share it with all that I encounter.  How I tried to share it with that specific person and was rejected by insecurities in his own life.

So I don't post negative blogs.  I believe in the need for positive reinforcement for all people and their issues.  I detail these issues because women need to know, they are not less of a person for recognizing and personifying honesty in their lives. In actual fact women, you are a part of the strength of the positive advancement of mankind.   I also recognize our intelligence, our integrity and our knowledge of what we want out of life.  If a specified person does not fit that picture, even though given to them without judgement our friendship, our honesty, our integrity and  respect of  person and should you feel the need to label us based upon your insecurities,  please feel free to exit left of stage and continue to walk away.  You do not deserve the gentleman's integrity we have bestowed upon you.

Both Women and Men are creatures of the greatest of beauty.  What you do with your beauty is your gift upon others.  I was told this week that I am beautiful and it is my curse.  Well I allow that individual this,  I am beautiful....as are you.  What have you done with your gift to benefit others?  I smiled today, I invited others to join in my meal that had not to eat, I gave of my miniscual financial well being to assist another beautiful being, I allowed you this time upon my own to convey a message of hope to your insecure being.  You are beautiful.  Act it, be it, share it.  For it is only a curse if you hold it unto your own and do not benefit others in your very being. 

Now to the gentleman in our lives.  Continue to be who you respectfully are.  You give us hope.  You make us feel intelligent and alive.  We are your greatest friends for we have known and lived the alternative.  Yes we have "life experience" and by being our friends and allowing us to be perhaps "that girl" we can share a six pack with while we enjoy a football game....we together have created a friendship to be envied by all others.  A friendship that outlasts the hands of time.  Something absolutely beautiful....  V xo

GTOC Blog #25 What is Love?

I have to admit, I have suffered through this one since my husband left.  Did I love him?  No.  I have always known this, all the years we were together.  Did I care for him?  Yes, but mostly I cared for his children.  They were my reason to stay.  They were so lovely.  They were the reason he asked me to stay with him when I told him it was over when I was still 19 years old.  Through it all, I committed to them.

I know it is confusing.  These were the children from his previous marriage.  At 19, even I saw the look in their eyes when they got to be with their Dad.  I am shamed by the lies he told me about their mom.  Now I know, I should be proud to have ever met her.  What an amazing woman!  She not only survived him, she thrived in her own way, and did her absolute best with all her love for her children and her grand children.  To this day I feel shamed that I signed her child support cheques from him, even though I did it because he was of the opinion that she should be paying him, not the reverse, the unfeeling it gave her was not my intent.

Is it love to maintain a relationship for the children, even those that are not your own?

Then,....then there was our children.  From the first second of conception, I knew.....they were my life.  Not once did I ever say "our children".....was I selfish?  "They" were always "My children".   Did I love him for giving me these children...No...God gave me these children...any man could have done what he had done.  Would I say differently if he had been a "good" man.  Maybe but No he wasnt....For my shame I tried,....from the time he met me, I tried.....and I would have continued trying had he not hurt My Children. 

For all my years with him, I wondered..."is this all what love is? "

Then when I met each of my children I found out ... "This is What Love Is !"

There is no need to "explain" the children years.  I can simply say, I found the true meaning of love that I had been missing since I left my family home,...and we (myself and the children) we thrived.  Daily we lived in the bubble of love, imagination and hard work of being a real family.  Perhaps this is why he segregated himself.  I am unsure.  Yet this I know, in the final years, even with all my children,....I asked myself (aside from all the really bad stuff)..."so this is love?"

You know, I tried several times after "he" left, to have a "love" relationship.  I can name a million reasons why it didn't work.  To my credit though,  I tried and I believe they did too.  With every fiber of my being,....I so tried!

I have learned something from all of this though.   Isn't life all about "learning"??

I learned Love will make itself known.  You cannot force it. And sometimes you have to recognize that you might feel it when the other does not to the same level you do....and that is okay!!  The fact that you can still love is beautiful and should be celebrated.


I have had the good fortune to have one peek, one moment, one instance in my  life "at real love". It was that exact moment when the breath of the other person engaged in your own.  Even though, I cannot claim it for mine because in this life, it won't be....the knowledge, the feeling, the realization of  "this is love" is enough.
 
After desperately wondering for years, if it even exists....Yes....I now know it does.  Maybe not for me here and now....and that is okay.  Because I have My Children,  My friends, and My GTOC....and My Children's stories....and we are LOVE.  We are LOVE enough when so many, like my previous self,....had none.

I am sure through my life, I will attempt several more "loves".  I now know the feeling to look for, the feeling to be.

Yet I ask myself, why do I write all this?  Maybe because, this is a struggle with most Aspiring Women.  How do we trust and love again when we have been betrayed?  My response is,  because we can.  Yes there will be failures and that is okay!

Simply know, you deserve to be treated like a woman,...and it is "that man" that will love you as it was meant to be.  Until then, revel in your love of your children, your family, your friends, your work and yes in you.  Because they see in you the engaging breath of life at the exact moment when it engages with their own.....
V xo