However, after 8 years of thinking someday someone will come along who thinks I am worth sweeping off my feet, will let me be who I am....the real person I was when I met them....I have realized......I am simply freakin happy NOW.....in fact probably the happiest I have ever been in my adult life.
Picture this.....I wake up with a smile and a twinkle in my eye,....I stretch out my evenings kinks as I flick on my computer, I drink my morning coffee as I watch Jack Hawk, Garry Goose, Scampy Coyote and nameless deer, fat dog sized racoons, skittering squirrels & bustling birds witness the sunrise over the forest at the front of my house. June Bug, Ry Cooder & I giggle as we recant stories of various critters morning adventures as we scratch & cuddle like puppies all cuddled in our furry white chair.
My two teenagers have already kissed & hugged me with well wishes on their way to the pre dawn high school bus over bickering debates I can't recall 2 seconds after I called them each a butt face or chicken butt or some other charming motherly adjective!!......
June Bug, Ry Cooder and I race in floppy white furry slippers as we in unison trip up the stairs to my bedroom where we each pick a position on the bed to cuddle with baby Gaby. Cooder at the end....cuz he likes only to be scratched on demand,....June Bug believes Gabriel is her personal puppy and does a little doggy nip to his back side then pulls the blankets off him and licks any bare skin she can find,.....me ....I am a cheeky smoocher.....I gather Baby Gaby up in my arms and smack his cheeks with kisses until he finally admits he is awake.
With June Bug on butt nipping duty, Gabriel launches on to my back and I piggy back him to the dining table. It's usually cheerios & Gaby must kiss on the cheek the deliverer of his greatest meal of the day.....breakfast!! Mix 97, with the lovely and eternally happy Orlena, pops up on the radio....we scan for bus cancellations for us wee folk here in the County and we dance like gawky whooping cranes to absolutely any music Orlena & Sean might be grooving to on their morning show. Getting Gaby dressed, teeth brushed, lunch made, coat, hat, boots, mittens....all out the door in time for Gaby to bat boy run down the long driveway where Ross the best Bus driver ever keeps the bus warm for him!!!!
Then....it's my time.....the only MY 5 minutes of TIME in my entire day......a steaming hot bath awaits me.....slowly I lower myself into the water as it stings my skin & I let out a very long breath where I sink to the bottom of the tub.....only my nose sits above the water line.
Here is where I stay. I soak. I ponder my world. I ponder my day. I open my eyes under water and spy the photos of my monsters on the wall. Each of their eyes look back at me filled with love and trust. And everyday from the depths of my heart I promise to work harder today than I did yesterday so that tomorrow will be better for we Monster Lockyers.
Then I hear it.....the buzz of my phone.......I burst from the depths of Neptune.....texting, emailing, phone calls......while I air dry,....streak to the closet....furry white slippers flopping & tripping me....stubbing my toes, bumping my head,....ripping my stockings....all because....I can do it....I can be who I said I would be......and today I wear black on black on black. because it doesn't take thought...I cannot recall how many times I drew on my eyeliner differently from one eye to the next, from one phone call to the next because important decisions were required elsewhere.
Real estate offers in negotiation, GTOC contacts looking to meet, Renovation trades persons to keep on task, kids calling from school with upset tummies, mechanics telling me how expensive my only ever new car is to repair, lawyer's and financing needing papers signed, agent emailing over Storyteller scheduling & publishing details, Mom calling to ensure I am coping well, eating well, sleeping well, ....a standard glorious day for me & it has just begun......
I spend the day at work, race to an appropriate zone every break/lunch to keep communications with ALL the above flowing, wave to Mr. Security Guard who is a fantastic DJ!....and one of the nicest people that make my work day liveable with kind, positive comments,.....stop to say hello to the ever smiling, cafe cashier who always calls me dear then .......
Rush home....wind up with an hour with my Monsters.....hear about their day.....call them chicken butts for not doing their chores....Hugs,....Kisses....Bedtimes....Prayers.....lights out....
Time to work.....with a glass of wine!!!. Real Estate research & scheduling & marketing, GTOC business planning and communications, Book keeping, Storyteller stories & illustrations, MJH research on Nampula Africa...emailing my Mom because she worries about me as much as I worry about her.
And my day is done. I feel as though I have accomplished nothing. Tomorrow I will try harder.....but I am happy. Happier than I have been in my entire adult life. Gaby Baby has snuck into my bed. I turn out all the lights around my ever messy house, push Ry Cooder out of my room (because he likes to scratch the parlour chair in the middle of the night, that my mom reupholstered for me).....pull all the covers over baby Gaby and kiss his cheek good night. He whispers "I love you too" and I am asleep.
All the important aspects of my life are covered in a day like this. Over time you learn to discover what the real important aspects are. Yes one day, I won't have wee monsters to pre-occupy my free moments....I'll have my passion for work & I'll have my arts & I'll have a version of my June Bug & My Ry Cooder....and I'll have my gawky whooping crane dancing to music around my kitchen island....because these things are eternally me.
So if someday, a Gerard Butler comes along who enjoys me as me, without attempting to change me ....and perhaps if he can also do the gawky whooping crane dance around the kitchen island, I might consider him....till them.....I love my days, my nights, my world.....as 40 something & maybe plus lotsa more years & simply single !! ....V